When a good heart is hurt - they might not react right away, but sooner or later - they will ...

 When you hurt someone with a good heart, they won’t always fight back or make a fuss. They’ll bear the pain in silence, turning it over in their mind, trying to make sense of it without adding to the hurt. 

But slowly, they’ll pull away. No dramatic farewell, no angry outburst—just quiet withdrawal. They won’t become cruel, but they’ll stop letting you in. And once their trust is shattered, it’s not easily repaired. 

That’s how you lose them; not the moment they walk away, but the moment they stop believing. Because when a kind heart lets go, it’s never out of spite.. It’s simply because they’ve reached their limit. 

That’s how it was with the exBFF - I gave my all for her. Delivered her to detox at her request - after spending the night with her to make sure she was safe after doing drugs. (and calling in sick to my job). 

She got into detox and counseling, and backtracked. I kinda felt let down. I used my sick time from work, and my own personal time for her. Still - I tried to be patient, until she was yakking about her ‘friends’ who were keeping her in that lifestyle. I let her know if she was serious about getting off the drugs, she had to ditch those people. She got ‘offended” - claimed I insulted her friends. 

I was like, ‘okay fine. Associate with them, but not with me.” I withdrew. I rarely picked up the phone when the caller ID said it was her. Nor did I return her calls. BUT she still had her car in my name for cheaper insurance. 

Then one day I did pick up and she was drunk- in the afternoon, ranting and raving about her boyfriend. And she let something slip -- her boyfriend’s car was in her son’s name. 

Wait a minute - you have your car in MY name, but your boyfriend has his car in your son’s name - and month after month, you can’t be adult enough to get a money order, slap a stamp on an envelope and mail the payment in on time? -- She would drop the cash off at my house - and I would send a check in. One day she ran up on my porch and dropped the money off and then ran off - she had a friend waiting in the car. She took off before I could say anything. 

The next day I had to take 2 buses downtown to deposit the cash in my checking account at the credit union to pay the bill.

Yes - TWO BUSES.  I didn’t have a car at the time. But she did. She didn’t bother to ask if I needed a ride to the credit union. She never bothered to take me grocery shopping - I lugged my groceries home on the bus. -- But a year earlier, when I had a car, and she didn’t - I actually gave her the keys and let her take my car for the day. 

Well, back to her drunken phone call - she was drunk, so I knew it was useless to say anything. But I called her up a few days later and told her she had 30 days to get her car out of my name. And to give me the license plates so I could turn them into the DMV.  She was shocked that I finally found my voice and laid into her. - Actually I didn’t - I spoke calmly. I told her what she had revealed to me and I wasn’t going to be taken advantage anymore.

ONE WEEK LATER - she came to my house and gave me papers and license plate. I didn’t let her in the house. I kept her on the porch. I said ‘thank you.’ and closed the door.

That was the end for me.

Of course it wasn’t the end for her - she began harassing me on facebook and finally resorted to calling my job to get me fired. 

I sent her a letter of intervention, which she didn’t like - I told her truths she didn’t want to hear. AND she had the gall to charge me with harassment. 

We get to court and she’s acting like a lunatic - screaming, yelling.

The judge, who I found out later was sympathetic to addicts - gave ME a restraining order - ordering ME to stay away from HER! -- And I saw in his hands, MY letter to her - which included a printout of a facebook post of her admitting to my niece that she called my job. - The judge had proof that SHE broke the law - but punished ME. 

Well, what the hell. If I was ordered to stay away from her, fine - just as long as she stayed away from me. It was unfair, but it did the trick - it got her away from me. 

But then 10 years later - she contacts me on instagram, wanting to me friends with me - she misses me. She left me her phone number. I called it - left a voice mail - told her to get lost. I wanted nothing to do with her - and I told her to fuck off. 

It’s been 3 years since I left that voice mail - I haven’t heard from her. GOOD. 

She shattered our friendship. She betrayed my trust. She tried to get me fired from my job. She WANTED me to lose my income, knowing I was paying a mortgage.

If I lost my job, I would have lost my home, my future social security earnings, and my pension. 

There was no risk of me losing my job -- she said I was printing out her medical records - and my employer, did investigate me. They tracked every keystroke I did - and knew I was innocent. 

My job was not in danger -- but it was what she WANTED to happen to me. As I said, she WANTED me to lose my income. Once trust is broken - it cannot be repaired.

Even good people get tired of doing good for ungrateful people.

 

I was supportive to the exBFF for years. Went out of my way to help her. Used tons of MY time, and even some of my sick time from my job to help her.

She started being a pain in the ass. Little things at first. Then 3 incidents occurred.

1. Her car was in my name for her to get cheap insurance. I didn't have a car. She dropped the payment off in person one day - handed it to me and ran. A friend of hers was in the car and they took off. I had to take 2 buses to the credit union downtown behind City Hall to put the cash in my account to cover HER bill.

2. She had stolen some of my pain pills.

3. In a drunken phone call she let it out that her son's car was in her boyfriend's name. I called her a few days later and ascertained she was sober. I then reamed her out. I brought up how she couldn't be adult enough to pay the dam bill to keep MY name and credit clean. And if her son's car was in her boyfriend's name, HER car can be too.

I told her she had 30 days to get the car out of my name, or I would go to DMV and cancel the registration. She got the car out of my name in less than a week.

She had more problems after that. Health problems. I saw her at a funeral, and she had trouble walking. I did see her stumble a bit, her left foot dragging.

I DIDN'T GIVE A DAMN ANYMORE.

And years later, when she contacted me on instagram, saying she missed me and wanted to be friends again - I sent her packing.

Because even good people get tired of doing good for ungrateful people.

Coloring Yule Pages

 I didn't do much for Yule. Just busy with other things.

I did take time out to relax by coloring two pages from a Yule coloring book.

What does 'Grey Rock' mean in dealing with narcissists?

 

What does 'Grey Rock' mean in dealing with narcissists?

In theory, Grey Rock is a method that's supposed to force toxic people and abusive partners to seek drama elsewhere. It means to be as boring as a grey rock, which supposedly compels toxic people to find you so dull, that they cannot get their drama feed from you. 

I guess I went Grey Rock with my narc 'best friend' who I always knew was conceited and a bit over-bearing. She also had turned to drugs to cope with having been the victim of a violent crime. I hand delivered her to detox, at her request, but she stayed with the counseling for only a month.

Her drug use caused her to do inappropriate things - like leaving long rambling non-sensical messages on my facebook. When she butted in a fb conversation I was having with a couple of my cousins, she told us to 'shut the F up.'

I unfriended her, but didn't block her. (grey rock).

She had already been banned from my house for stealing pain pills, now I was slowly banning her all together.

Why? Because she was my best friend, and I loved her. I didn't want to lose her.

But the day after my father's funeral (I didn't tell her about it, she found out and called me) She trashed my father to me on the phone. 

A year went by and one night she calls my house leaving a message on my answering machine - nasty - asking why I took her off my facebook? She kept calling from 11pm to 2am. I mostly ignored her until I had enough and told her I was reporting her to the phone company.

The next day, she called my job with lies to get me fired.

She knew that was my narc sister's favorite way to stalk and harass me.

I wrote my exBFF a letter of intervention, telling her things the bestest of friends should do - told her truths she didn't want to hear. She took me to court for harassment!

And the judge - turned around and issued a one year order of protection to me - ordering me to stay away from her!

It was so unfair - but at least the final cord had been cut.

I saw all the mistakes I made using 'grey rock' although I didn't know it was called that.

Now I believe in NO CONTACT all the way.

And in March 2022, 10 years after we were in court, the exBFF contacted me on instagram - wanting to be friends with me. She misses me. She left me her phone number.

Yeah I called her - told her in no uncertain terms I wanted nothing to do with her. She has not contacted me since. She got the message. I'm not putting up that BS ever again.

 

Walk away from someone who treats you like shit

 

And after you walk away, don’t look back. Don’t ever let them back into your life because a snake will never change.

Cat in Heaven submitted by PO2 Tricia Fendt to The Ari Chronicles

 From 1999 to 2012 I was part of a local Star Trek fan club, called the USS Ari. We were part of the larger fan club, Starfleet International. Each chapter was a ‘starship’  and ours was the USS Ari NCC 1723.

When I first joined the Ari in 1999, it was headed by an old high school friend of mine, Michelene Biber. I started in the group as an ‘ensign’ and quickly rose to the rank of First Officer. (Michelene aka Michelle, was the captain). In 2005, when Michelle was too sick to continue her duties as commander, I assumed command of the Ari - with the permission of the other members. 

The Ari put out a bi-monthly newsletter, The Ari Chronicles, which Michelle and I worked on together with submissions from the other members.

The following is a submission by member Tricia Fendt for an issue of The Ari Chronicles. I don’t which issue it was from - I have all my copies of The Chronicles up in the attic. I only found this on a scrap piece of paper when I was going through papers last evening. 

Cat in Heaven -- submitted by PO2 Tricia Fendt 

A cat died and went to heaven. God met her at the gates and said, “You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.” 

The cat thought for a minute and then said, “All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.” 

God said, “Say no more.” Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow. 

A few days later, six mice killed in an accident and they all went to Heaven together. God met the mice at the gates with the same offer that he made to the cat. 

The mice said “Well, we have had to run all of our lives; from cats, dogs, and even people with brooms! If we could just have some little roller skates, we would not have to run again.” God answered, “It is done.” All the mice had beautiful little roller skates. 

About a week later, God decided to check on the cat. He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow. God gently awakened the cat and asked, “Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?” 

The cat replied, “Oh it is WONDERFUL. I have never been so happy in my life. The pillow is so fluffy, and those little Meals on Wheels you have been sending over are delicious!”

Song of the Day - August 13, 2024 - have some fun!