To my exBFF
This is what I received via Instagram messages on Friday, March 11, 2022 plus a notification that this person - initials FJM was 'following me' on Instagram.
This is my exBFF who 10 years took me to court for harassment after I sent her a letter of intervention - to get her to stop harassing ME. (leaving insulting messages to me on facebook, calling my job telling them I was accessing her medical records (they investigated and found me innocent). She is an actress, cried tears, she was the victim, oh boo-hoo. At one point in court - before the judge entered, she was arguing with the assistant DA assigned to her - and started swearing at him - the bailiff told her to shut up - she didn't - she got tossed out - while she passed me sitting there, she threatened me "I'll beat your ass." I immediately waved my hand at the bailiff "excuse me, she just threatened me." The bailiffs came over - she started screaming as they tossed her out. They put her in a separate room - but everyone could her screaming like a banshee.
She was out of control - to the point she was told NOT to return to court. However, the judge, being sympathetic to 'those under the influence' turned around and gave me a one year restraining order - I was to stay away from her for one year. No problem! I'd been trying to get away from her for 2 years!
So imagine my surprise when I see this on my Instagram the other day.
I answered her and told her I want nothing to do with her. She then blocked me. Fine.
I thought about it and realized, I never got a chance to say what I really wanted to say, and that's the purpose of this blog post. Because she blocked me before I got the screenshot - it comes up as "Instagram User" - that's ok. In this graphic here, I blanked out her phone number - but I have the original with the phone number intact.
I'm not falling for her boo-hooing. And I'm NOT letting her back into my life.
So now, dear exBFF - here is my response. Please read it and would you understand (this blog post) that I never wanted your 'understanding' of me (what's to understand? I'm not that complicated a person) I never said that - what I wanted was your RESPECT - which you never gave. As outlined below:
at the bottom of her message - cut off here - she wrote "Ruth and Francine FOREVER. To which I say: Ruth and Francine NEVER!
Dear FJM
You say you ‘didn’t understand me’ as well as I thought you should. Okay, I will enlighten you.
Do you remember when I first got
the red van that belonged to John’s mother? And you didn’t have a car? I let you take the van - gave you the keys - to go grocery shopping or whatever you wanted. No questions asked.
Fast forward to when that van got
smacked and sat in my driveway and you got a car and it was in my name for you to have cheaper car insurance. You had a vehicle, I did not. You never took me shopping nor handed the keys to me so I could do my errands.
I
gave you the payment page from the insurance company that listed the amounts due and the payment dates. A couple of months later, I asked if you had sent the payment in - you claimed you ‘lost’ the paper. (but you didn’t
tell me). (o, how ‘adult’). So I said ‘just give me the money. If I’m sleeping when you drop it off, put it in an envelope and put it in the mailbox.”
One day, you came over - with a friend sitting in your
car - a white lady - I don’t know who she was - you didn’t bother to introduce us. You handed me the money and took off.
So, I’ve got the cash - I’ve got to get the cash into the checking account. The next day,
I took TWO BUSES downtown to my credit union behind City Hall to put the cash into my checking account. Then I wrote out a check (checks had to bought - packets of 400 cost about $10.00). --- not being petty, but I worked hard for everything I own. I put the check in an envelope put
on a stamp (stamps aren’t free). And mailed it off in time so that MY credit wouldn’t be affected. Here I am, with no car - taking TWO BUSES to take care of an insurance payment on a car that I don’t own and YOU
say you don’t ‘understand?’
And then a few months later, you call me up and you were DRUNK and bitching about your boyfriend and you let slip that his car was in your
son’s name. I waited a couple of days and called you up - and you were sober - and I told you what you said. And I told you that you had 30 days to get your car out of my name. You have your boyfriend’s car in your
son’s name - you could put YOUR car in your son’s name as well.
So here’s to understanding: You USED me - I let you put your car in my name, but you couldn’t be adult enough to take care of the payments. You couldn't go get a money order, slap a stamp on the envelope and take care of it. And
yet you would brag on the phone about this or that you bought and then end the conversation “I’m not like Joni.” Why put that in there? Because you knew you were EXACTLY like Joni. - You are both users and abusers. And you couldn't even bother to take me, your 'friend' shopping - not once! As for all your other 'friends' -- WHO was there after the incident in 1996 - ME and Melissa. Your other so-called friends dropped you. WHO hand-delivered you to de-tox (at your request)? Me. You never once thanked me. Never. I was the one who tried to get you out of the bottle, off the drugs, get you healthy - and what did I get in return? A kick in the teeth.
And that was real nice of you - trashing my father to me on the phone the day after his funeral. Saying he was wrong for doing something in 1956 - three years before you were even born. Are you of the Sippel family? How dare you criticize a parental decision he made. I was telling you of how Joan got a friend of hers to desecrate my father's funeral guest book, and all you had to say was he wrong to give her up for adoption????
I never disrespected you or your family when your father died. And speaking of which - the whole year of 2003, when John lost his grandfather, then his mother, then I lost my ex-husband/friend, then my cousin, then my brother -- John and I were grieving - and every other day, YOU are leaving messages on our answering machine "I miss my father." yeah, I get that - but did you EVER stop and think of the pain John and I were going through? FIVE deaths in two months time? Not once did you call and say "how are you guys doing?" Nope, true to narcissistic form - every phone call was about YOU. Never about me and John.
And when John had his heart surgery - I told you that afternoon when I was leaving the hospital that I would be sleeping on the couch, after watching Star Trek Enterprise at 9pm - and that I didn't want to be disturbed. At 9:30pm, here you are calling, blubbering (drunk) - "I didn't know how much John meant to me until this afternoon" - uh, why were you calling AFTER I said 'don't call?' I needed to have the phone line open in case the hospital called me about MY husband. He stopped being your concern when you broke up with him in 1983, 20 years prior. I couldn't have one damn night - worrying about my husband, without your drunken interference.
And
when unknowingly, you and Joan played ‘tag team’ and both attacked me in 2012 - both of you calling my job to get me fired - I had the same lawyer and the same manager at work - and they both told me the same exact thing:
“Ruth, you got to learn to stay away from crazy people.” And I told them - “I’m trying - I’ve been trying for years to get both of them out of my life.”
You didn't like it when T. called your job - what makes you think I would have been jumping in joy when you did it to me. Hence the letter I wrote you. Truths you didn't want to face and went to the extreme and put the final coffin nail in our friendship.
I got you out of my life once - in 2005 - but I
made a mistake and let you back in in 2010. I won’t repeat that mistake - you are out of my life and you will NEVER be in it again.
Stop with your ridiculous little-girl bs in your message “Ruth and F ...FOREVER”
with the cutesy little hearts and flowers emoticons. We are not in 6th grade. Grow up.
Also your whole message (again) was all about ... YOU (everything is always all about you) “How I miss you” “My brother has died.” ”I hope to see you before
I leave this life.” And you also put that guilt trip in there: “Life is too short.” (you should have thought about that one 10 years ago when you were busy trying to destroy me, but ended up destroying our friendship).
Your half-ass apology “I'm sorry for not understanding you, when you thought I should have” was more bs - and putting
it all back on me - that I, Ruth, was in the wrong for thinking you should have understood me.
I didn’t need ‘understanding’ as much as I need RESPECT - and that is something you NEVER gave me. You walked all
over me - treated me like a doormat and when I spoke up you dismissed me - you left a horribly insulting message on facebook about my husband - and now, for some reason, you’re feeling sorry for yourself - and you ‘miss’
me and John.
Yes, me and John, and John's brother - the three people in this world who always had your back. And yes, you USED E. as well. He told me you were pestering him for his pain pills. (did you steal from him like you stole from me?) Yes, I'm aware you stole 3 hydrocodones from me. I used to keep the bottle in the kitchen and I got tired of you coming over and asking me for them. You would say "do you know what kind of a buzz you get when you take these with beer?" uh, no, I don't - because I take those things responsibly - I told you several times I kept them for medical emergencies - in case John and I broke a tooth or sprained an ankle and had to wait to see a doctor. Finally one day, when you were on the way over - I moved the bottle into the bathroom - and when you left - I went in and counted them - and 3 were gone. STEALING from a friend? I NEVER stole a thing from you - but this is how you 'understood' me? My understanding is gross disrespect from you.
Where’s the damn apology for calling my job? Never mind, I don’t need it nor want it. Your lies didn’t work. Just like it didn’t
work when Joan pulled that crap. And now that I’m retired - I’ve taken away your plaything.
And now - take heed of this: LEAVE ME ALONE. I do not want now or in the future - you in my life.
AND if John or I should
go before you do - instructions have been told to various members of my family - that if you or her show up at the funeral home -- both of you will be escorted OUT.
You called me up the evening of his heart surgery, boo-hooing
- “I didn’t know how much John meant to me until this afternoon.” Yet 9 years later, you’re writing shit on facebook, calling him a ‘broke-ass man’ who lives in the deep ghetto.
And don't bother trying to press charges on me - cos you're going to look awful silly - you managed to get a restraining order against someone, then turn around and contact them on Instagram. I have a printout and screen shot of your contact of me on Instagram - and those will be shown to the proper authorities if needs be.
Besides, this post is not to harass you - but to answer YOUR summons - and to explain fully - once and for all - why we will NEVER be friends again. I do not trust you.
Please - LEAVE ME ALONE. If you are having guilt feelings, or 'missing me' - that is for you to resolve. I can not help you. I do not WANT to help you. LEAVE ME ALONE.
Ruth and Francine NEVER again. YOU destroyed a near 30 year friendship with your booze, your drugs, your selfishness. fuck off.
for more on this topic, see the following posts - click on the titles.
I deserve good company -- narcissists, users and abusers, troublemakers, people who thrive on chaos and drama - are not welcome in my life. March 21, 2022
I used to 'accept' things that I couldn't change. Or rather I used to think I COULDN'T change things. March 16, 2022
I have peace - why would I want a disruptive person in my life again? March 15, 2022
