It means just was it says.
I have always been this way. I have never tried to compete with anyone. All I ever wanted to do in my life is simply be ME. And all the
little things that make me ME.
But always, there have been people fucking with me. At school, at work, in my personal life. I'm the type of person who does not start
trouble - but if someone starts shit with me - WATCH OUT! Because I will finish it. Most of the time when someone fucks with me - it's because they are jealous and envious of me. I don't know what I have they should be so
jealous about.
I had an unsettled childhood. My mom died when I was 3 years old. Leaving behind 4 small kids and 1 infant. My dad quickly married a woman
who had 2 sons out of wedlock. It was a marriage of convenience - both needed partners to raise the kids. My youngest sister was an infant and given up for adoption. (I will not discuss that here - except to say that my father
made a parental decision that he had every right to do - anybody who is not a Sippel family member can just shut the f up).
Well, my stepmother had mental problems and incapable of taking care of us - so we were split up and moved around a lot - various relatives
took us in (one or two at a time), some went to a foster home, some went to an orphanage. When I got out of the orphanage (age 8), I lived at home for a year, then went into the same foster home my 2 older sisters were at.
After my stepmother died in 1964, my dad took on a second job, bought a house and gathered us together. My oldest sister, age 18, got married.
The rest of us, my next oldest sister, my brother, and one stepbrother, moved into this house with my dad.
Because he worked 2 jobs, we were alone. 4 teenagers. If we wanted to eat, we learned to cook. If we wanted clean clothes, we did the laundry.
In fact, we were assigned chores. My sister cooked dinners. I mostly did the laundry - and ironing. The boys did the garbage, and outdoor work - cutting the grass, shoveling snow. We all took turns doing the dishes. My dad left the house at 8am, didn't get home until after 9pm.
I was 13. And from that time - I raised myself. I had no mother to teach me anything. Anything I know - about personal hygiene, to wearing
clothes and makeup - I learned from books and magazines. 17 Magazine, then later Glamour and Cosmpolition magazines - books like Eileen Ford's Book of Model Beauty, The Beautiful People's Beauty Book, and even a beauty book
by actress Sophia Loren.
In high school, I was a bit of an ugly duckling, and was bullied by 'mean girls.' I was never asked out on a date or to a party, or to the prom. I didn't have a graduation party.
When I was almost 18 my dad met a nice lady who had 2 little girls. I liked them. My dad married her 2 months after my 18th birthday. This
was the summer after I graduated from high school. My dad let me have the summer to enjoy myself, then pressured me to get a job. I had no job skills. I thought I would go to college - I was supposed to go but my dad said that now that he a wife and
2 new stepdaughters, he couldn't afford my college."Get a job" he said. Did I mention I had no job skills?
I got a job as a front end cashier at a Walmart type store. Then my dad wanted me out of the house. Started a made up fight over the fact
that I was drinking too much milk. I was giving him $15.00 a week for my 'room and board' - 'buy more milk' I said. He accused me of disrespecting his wife and her daughters. And basically threw me out.
I got a room in a boarding house where my 2nd oldest sister was at. Our rooms were private, but we had to share the little kitchen and
bathroom with 2 other tenants. After a couple of years, in 1972, I got a job as a nurse's aide in a hospital. I stayed at that job until I retired in 2016.
Basically I emptied bedpans for a living. Not a nice job - but the pay was good, the benefits were good, I have a very good pension now.
In 1974, I was able to afford a small 1 bedroom apartment a 20 minute walk from where I worked.
I was 22 years old, and never out on a date. Until I ran into a former patient at the hospital. We went out a few times - he was nice,
but it was a casual relationship. It didn't last. But then coincidentally, he met and began dating my cousin's stepdaughter, who was my age. When we found out about the connection, we all laughed. And she and my former 'boyfriend'
set me up on a blind date (with my permission). He was a sweetheart and we clicked. Two months later we moved in together. Our relationship lasted 10 years.
Beginning in the early 80's we tried to have a baby. I was starting to see a fertility specialist. He wanted to go back to his home country of Yemen in 1985, when unknown to me, I did get pregnant. Right
when we were breaking up! He left to go to his country and I had miscarriage. I had to deal with it alone.
Meanwhile, I had, what I thought was great friendship with FJM. She was living with a nice man. I met them both in 1978. They broke up
in 1983. Her ex and I stayed good friends. We had always gone out to see movies together - movies that we liked, but our partners weren't interested in. During the years 1978-1983, the 4 of us really enjoyed each other's company.
But shit happens, doesn't it?
Anyways, by 1986, he and I were both single, and our friendship deepened into a romance. My one aunt cautioned me that I could be going
in on a rebound. I told him that, and we agreed to go slow. But a year later, we decided to move in together. We found a nice house to rent and moved in the summer of 1987.
I'm not going to say everything was rosy. We both brought baggage from our previous relationships into the relationship. There were times
I didn't think we were going to make it. But we loved each other and stuck it out. We married in 2002. As of this writing, May 22, 2023, we are still together, and very happy.
We bought our house off our landlord in 1996. EVERYTHING in the house and about the house (taxes, mortgage, utilities, furniture, repairs
like a new roof, etc) WERE PAID BY US - BY OUR BLOOD SWEAT AND TEARS. - except for 3 instances due to his being laid off, my going on short term disability a couple of times - we got a couple of loans from my oldest sister,
my father, (yes, him) and my brother in law.
From January 1971 when I got my first job to when I retired in October 2016 - EVERYTHING I OWN, ALL MY GROCERIES - WERE PAID FOR BY MY BLOOD
SWEAT AND TEARS (and those of my husband and my previous significant other). Except for about 4-5 times due to me being out of work due to an illness or surgery - I NEVER RECEIVED A CENT FROM SOCIAL SERVICES. I got HEAP a bout 4-5 times during those times I was on short term disability. Which my paying taxes covered
that anyway.
And so as it happens in life - shit happens and yep - I got stuck with a couple of jealous bitches. My youngest sister (the one given up for adoption, and we reunited with her in
1974) - she and her husband swindled me out $700.00 in 1989. Because of that, my husband and I couldn't afford to fix our car. We were forced to take it off the road and rely on public transportation.
I well remember some mornings, leaving work, my back and my feet aching, walking the 2 blocks to the Metro station, through snow and ice.
I have a memory of getting to the corner of Washington and High streets, and almost falling on the ice, and my back was killing me. (my job as a nurse's aide included heavy lifting). My sister and her husband were driving a car - they were nice and warm in a car - but
not me - I was paying off the damn credit card (plus interest) on the cash advance I had gotten - and gave to them - and they promised to repay me, but never did.
As for FJM the exBFF (BFF-Best Friend Forever). yeah, I don't think she ever got over the fact that her ex-boyfriend and I got together
AFTER she broke up with him. yeah, in the beginning, she pitched a bitch about it. Couldn't be adult about it. Couldn't be happy for me, her friend, who was heartbroken about the breakup with her first significant other (and
going thru a miscarriage alone) - no, she forgot about all the times she CHEATED on him when he was her significant other - and was pissed solid that her ex and me got together. There was never any hanky-panky going on between
my husband and me back when he was with her - but yeah, right away, that's where her mind went. She accused me of that on the phone. It took a few years, but we did rekindle our friendship and she seemed to have gotten past
her anger and accepted our relationship. But I wonder........
Anyway, in 1996, she unfortunately became a crime victim. My husband and I (and others) came to support her unconditionally. However, she
turned to drugs and became a different person. I tried to help her out. At her request in 2005, I hand delivered her to detox. She went in for counseling. Then a few months later, she calls me up, she's telling me what she
learned in counseling - BUT - she began applying what she learned to -- ME. She wasn't learning and growing - because she was psychoanalyzing ME.
I am a grown woman. And quite intelligent. I am aware that my unsettled childhood has affected me and why and how. I HAVE GONE TO COUNSELING
IN THE PAST TO LEARN THINGS ABOUT MYSELF - I DON'T NEED ANYONE TO TELL ME ON THE PHONE WHAT MAKES ME TICK. Especially someone who is supposed to be applying what she learned -- to herself, not me.
Outside of a few times that I have gotten drunk due to excess partying (yeah, in the 70's I was having fun - weekends at the bar or disco)
-- by my late 20's I left all that behind. I had my fun, and grew up. I still drink occasionally. And I can still have adult fun. I HAVE NEVER DONE ANY DRUGS except for smoking weed now and then.
Getting back to FJM and her psychoanalyzing me - I couldn't deal with her drug-induced nonsense, so I just ghosted her. But I ran into
her in 2010. I thought our friendship could be saved, but 2 months later, it was clear it couldn't. I started ghosting her again. But now, her drugs made her - mentally deficient. She started leaving rambling nonsensical messages
to me on facebook - both public and private. I was having a public facebook conversation with 4 of my cousins about my adopted out sister and she comes on and says "shut the f up - this is all bullshit." -- Excuse me? Is
she part of the family? No. -- I unfriended her on facebook. But stupid me, I didn’t block her.
When my father died January 2011, I did not call her to tell her. My relationship to my father was rocky and estranged and I will not discuss
it here. Suffice it to say, that despite our rocky relationship, I grieved his passing.
The day after his funeral FJM read about it in the paper and called me up. I was telling her of how my adopted out sister, to get revenge
on my father for giving her for adoption, had a friend write a disgusting message in my father's funeral guest book.
Instead of being angry about the desecration of my father's funeral book, she said "He should never have given her up for adoption."
I was livid. She was not a member of my family - she had no right to criticize my father's parental decision that he made 3 years before
she was even born. Especially criticizing him (trashing him) THE DAY AFTER HIS FUNERAL. I hung up the phone on her.
Her stupid nonsensical messages on facebook continued - there were a couple of long, long rambling private messages, which I deleted -
unread.
Then late one Saturday night in May 2012, she called my phone and left a message - "Why'd you take me off your facebook?" she demanded.
She kept calling. I picked up the phone and told her to stop. That I was calling the phone company to report her.
A few days later, she got hold of my manager at my job and told them I was violating federal patient privacy laws - that I was printing
out her medical records. DUH, my job could track every keystroke on any computer I used at work. They knew I did no such thing.
I sent FJM a letter of intervention - telling her to stop bothering me, to get the f off the drugs. I told her things she didn't want to
hear. I told her to stop chasing after married/attached men - something she'd been doing since 1983. I asked her "has any one of them left their wife/lady to go to you? No? Then stop. Stop getting into fistfights with the
wives" (yes, she did).
She didn't like the truth told to her and went down and cried her crocodile tears (falling back on her crime victim status) and CHARGED
ME WITH HARASSMENT.
I did what a true friend is supposed to do - I TOLD HER THE TRUTH ABOUT HERSELF AND SHE COULDN'T FACE IT.
So I got hauled into court. My husband and I were shocked! A once beautiful person - who made the Dean's list at Bryant and Stratton Business
Institute - who used to dress beautifully and professionally - showed up to court looking like a two-bit HO. With silver necklaces piled up - like Mr. T.'s gold piled necklaces. She was arguing with her defense team because
I had left a comment on facebook about the court date - which she answered by leaving a horribly insulting message about my husband.
She was sitting with her defense team - she, a 54 year old white woman, was waving her arms around, making ghetto homey hand signs. Finally
the guy raised his voice: "SHE (me) DID NOT CONTACT YOU. AND YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE LEFT THAT COMMENT ABOUT HER HUSBAND ON FACEBOOK!"
She started yelling, the bailiffs came and told her to shut up or leave - She got up and stormed out, and when she passed me, she said
in a low voice: "I will beat your ass."
I immediately raised my hand to the bailiff: "Excuse me, she just threatened me." All hell broke loose. The bailiffs rushed over, they
grabbed her, my husband stood up ready to defend my honor. A bailiff came over immediately to stop him. He was ready to take my husband down, but it wasn't necessary. He stopped and we watched the bailiffs grab FJM and drag her out of the
courtroom. She was screaming like a crazy person. We were horrified at how she was behaving (and the way she was dressed).
The next day, my husband told me "I couldn't sleep last night. I couldn't get that picture out of my head. They way she was dressed, her
making those gang hand signs, her screaming. What happened to her?" (drugs, that’s what happened to her).
My husband and I cried. Yes. Cried. I was sobbing. John had tears in his eyes. We were mourning the 'death' of a once beautiful woman -
his one time significant other, my best friend - OUR friend - was no more. In her body was this irrational drug filled disgusting - I can't even come up with a noun or adjective to say what she is!
But I do know this - why she targeted me - because she looks over at me and sees me -with a husband, a house, and is JEALOUS.
I know this for a fact - because there were times she slipped and said things - like the time she found out she had an older sister that
was given up for adoption and she found her - this woman, had a nice home, husband and kids. But for some reason, she didn't quite warm up to her. FJM wondered "is it because I'm part Arab, or on welfare? She's got a nice
house. I have a nice apartment, but I don't have a nice husband with $$$"
Oh that's another thing - MONEY. She views men as open wallets. And makes money judgments on people. She always criticized my husband, who
after he got laid off in 1983, worked as an overnight stock clerk at a supermarket. "He has no ambition in life." Uh, he's like me, unskilled, but WORKED TO EARN HIS WAY IN LIFE. And now, we’re both retired, and enjoying
the fruits of our labors - our social security and my pension - we are bringing in more than we made while working. The years we went without a car - we now have a nice minivan. A gorgeous Dodge Grand Caravan. In 2013, some
ass side swiped me, shearing off one of the front wheels of the Voyager van that we inherited from my mother in law, and totaled it. It was the second time that poor van was smacked, and this time it couldn't be saved. We used the insurance settlement as a down payment on a new minivan that was only 2 years
old. And we worked to make the payments. We WORKED for it.
But FJM never wanted to work for anything. Oh, she would get a job here and there, but the jobs never lasted long. When she lost her last
job, she always found an excuse for not getting hired. Or even applying for a job. But she could always find fault with my husband and his ‘lack of ambition.” HA! His ‘lack of ambition,’ his working at A JOB, along
with me, has gotten us a good roof over our heads (mortgage cleared now) and a good vehicle (also completely paid off now).
She always wanted a man who made 6 figures. But only hung around homies. And is still living in public housing. - I'm not making judgments,
just relating the FACTS.
So let me wrap up this very long post - by reiterating what the meme says:
I HAVE NEVER LIVED MY LIFE COMPETING WITH ANYONE ELSE.
I got off my ass and got a job. It was not glamorous, but it was rewarding. I am proud that I helped take care of sick people, to ease
them in their time of need.
If I needed something - I went and got it. I didn't ask anyone for it. One time, in 2005, I had 7 teeth pulled out. It was at Aspen Dental
on Union Rd, near the old Holiday Showcase restaurant. I had no car at the time. I came out of the dental office and WALKED 20 minutes to the corner of Union and Genesee, and waited for the bus. My mouth was stuffed with gauze.
I kept my hand over my mouth so others wouldn't see the gauze between my lips. I couldn't talk - but I could walk. I didn't call anyone for a ride - because I AM A SELF-SUFFICIENT WOMAN. oh by the way - speaking of teeth -
my husband got his dental implants 2 years ago. We are paying off the loan. And when that loan is paid off, in 2 years - I will be getting my dental implants. Gosh, they’re expensive - more than our damn mortgage and van
together! But because we WORKED OUR ASSES OFF OUR ENTIRE ADULT LIVES - we can handle it.
In the past, there have also been several cow-workers at my job who tried to make things hard for me there too. They all fell by the wayside.
They are like my younger adopted out sister and FJM - insignificant to me now. If by relating some things here makes it seem that I think I am better than them - yes, I guess it seems that way. But I'm just relating things about my life that I have done - because they needed to be done. And I have pointed out the ways that they have not done that - and instead of concentrating on their own lives, and improving their own lives, they decided to look over at me, be jealous, and instead of taking my example and improve their lives - they decided to do things to hamper my life. When I did no such thing to them.
If they felt the need to compete with me - well, I guess they failed miserably. Because while they wallowed in their self-pity and anger,
and jealousy of me and my 'good life' - I kept on going. I put one foot in front of the other - and kept going. There were times I needed a shoulder to cry on, yes. And I found help and support from a couple of family members.
My one cousin N. in particular. Support I NEVER got from FJM or my younger sister. All I got from them was treated as a doormat - a thing to be used. Because I'm the type of person who will help others - while I was struggling - I tried to ease other people's struggles too. But then I got kicked in the teeth for it.
Not any more.
