Burning Bridges Can Be Beautiful

The version of me that tolerated bullshit just because she was my 'sister' or the other she - because she used to be my best friend.

My life is so calm since The Nameless One and the exBFF are out of my life.

 

What caused me to turn my back on Joan/Doris and the exBBF - I closed the door on both of them.

 

You can't be friends with someone who tried to destroy you in the past.

 

so true.

The exBFF took a shot at me and missed. She called my job in 2012 and said I was printing out her medical records.

First of all, my employee computer sign on information allowed me to access a PORTION OF THE CHART of the current patient(s) that I was assigned to. The portion that contained ONLY what I needed to use in my position as a PCA (Patient Care Associate, formerly called Nurse’s Aide). It contained places where I entered the patient’s vital signs, etc.
The chart was designed as a ‘check off list’ - it listed ALL the things that I would encounter as a PCA - like ‘linen change’ or ‘ambulate to bathroom’ ‘check restraints’ - and there were little boxes that you moved the cursor to and checked off.
There were spaces to write in the patient’s vital signs and intake and output - blood pressure, temperature, how much they drank, how much urine was in their foley or in the measuring cap in the toilet. There was no place that gave me any personal information on the patient - only their name, age, gender.

So right off the bat, my employer knew I was innocent. But they had to check out any allegation of violation of patient privacy. And they did. Hospital computer security protocols allowed them to TRACK EVERY KEYSTROKE I DID.

Human Resources also called me down to tell me what happened. Because they knew that I had been continuously accused of this computer tampering on and off since 1995 by Joan/Doris. And she did it again in 2012. And my employee knew she was lying as well. Again, because they could track every keystroke I did.

Yes, in 2012, I was attacked by both of them. Their accusations against me were found to be LIES. Lies designed to get me fired and destroy my life. I was paying a mortgage. My job was putting food on my table. Well, I don’t need to explain to you readers what losing a job would mean. And both the exBFF and Joan/Doris wanted that to happen to me. 

Their lies went nowhere because my employer knew that after 40 years on the job, I was a good, reliable worker. I retired in October 2015, with 43 years at the same employer. 43 years of dedicated, excellent work taking care of my patients, the hospital’s customers. I earned a pretty good pension too. I worked my ass off for that hospital from 1972 to 2015. It was hard, but rewarding work. And neither Joan/Doris or the exBFF could ever take that away from me, no matter how many lies they tried to sell.

Did either of them try to call my employer after 2012? I don’t know. Because I told them in Human Resources that if Joan/Doris or F. called again, I didn’t want to know about it. I told them “Investigate me if you want. I don’t care. I do my job. Somebody calls you with lies - I don’t want to know about it." And so, if any more lying calls were made about me, I wasn’t told. If any calls were made after I retired, I don’t know. All I know is that once I did retire - it seemed as though both Joan/Doris and the exBFF dropped off the earth! I had PEACE for the first time since the late 80’s when Joan/Doris started her crap with me.

So fast forward 10 years to March 2022 - when the exBFF contacts me on Instagram, saying she ‘misses’ me and wants to be my friend again.

I’d had 10 years of peace without that drugged-out whack job and now she wants back into my life? OH HELL NO.     

just some memes pertaining to how I feel and think about the exBFF

 

When a narcissist realizes they have lost control over you - how the exBFF reacted when I told her to go away

This meme is absolutely true. Why do I agree with it? Well, I have to lay out a timeline of a events first. 

In 2005, after I hand-delivered her to detox (at her request), she did go into counseling. She asked for some space, which I gave her. She called me several weeks later to tell me of the progress she was making in counseling. Telling me things she learned, then proceeded to apply what she learned to me. By that I mean, she started psycho-analyzing me, telling me of my faults and why I was faulted. (my love of chocolate).That did not sit well with me. I am a grown woman and can (and have in the past) recognized when I need help.

She also called me one day, drunk, talking nonsense. I was livid. When I took her to counseling, I had actually stayed at her house the night before and was with her most of the next day. I had called in sick to my job that night, and now I was going without sleep (I worked the night shift). I used up MY sick time, and almost 24 hours of MY time to help her, and now, after counseling, she's drunk and high again. I gave up. So I didn't return any of her phone calls.

I ran into her at a store in September 2010, and I went to her house and had a good talk with her. She told me she recognized how she had driven away her friends with her substance abuse and wanted to fix things. 

But just 2 months later -- I was on a three-way email conversation with my two older sisters. A question had come up about social services and we were unclear about the difference between Social Security Supplemental Income and Social Security Disability and Social Services (welfare, food stamps etc). I said, "you know who might know, would be K. (my niece) and F. (the exBFF). (because both had been on 'welfare' in the past. It was not a condemnation of either of them, simply a matter that since they had been on welfare, they know the what the terms mean. So I forwarded the email exchanged to both.

F. the exBFF fired off a nasty email to me - she was insulted! She said she was not a welfare queen and lived a good life (in public housing with rental assistance, which is a form of social help, so...?) 

I emailed her back, I told her she was over-reacting, I included her in the now 5 way email exchange because I thought of her as 'family' - but now I was done with her. She had also expressed anger because I had removed her from my facebook. - yes, I did, because when I got her email, I said to myself, "this isn't going to work. I've reunited with her for 2 months, and here we go again." I explained why I removed her from my facebook and told her I wanted nothing to do with her. 

Two months later, in January 2011, the day after my father's funeral, she called me on the phone to 'express sympathy.' She read about it in the newspaper. I did not call her to tell her about it - because at the time, I had cut her out of my life.

On the phone, she started yelling, and trashed my father. THE DAY AFTER WE BURIED HIM, SHE'S TRASHING HIM! I hung up. 

My memory is unclear if she tried to call me during 2011 - I was grieving and going through other things. But (and I don't recall the date right now, but it was around October 2011) that my phone rang one Saturday night about midnight. I was off from work and working on my computer - I checked my caller ID - it was F. I didn't pick up the phone - and she began recording her message - she was angry. "Why'd you take me off your facebook?" - um, 1. I'm a grown woman, I will remove someone from my facebook any damn time I please. 2. We already discussed this in the email exchange in November 2010. I did not pick up the phone, and she called 5 more times. 

But what I did was to change the 'greeting' on my answering machine - leaving her a message and I told her to stop calling me, I will report her to the phone company. And to leave me alone. 

The following day, Sunday, she called my job and finagled her way into finding out my immediate supervisor's name. AND CALLED THAT SUPERVISOR THE FOLLOWING DAY! (Monday). And reported that I was accessing her medical records on hospital computers. Trying to get me fired. I was investigated and found innocent. (they can track every keystroke I did). Meanwhile I called the phone company, reported her and changed my phone number. 

So to quote the meme: THE NARCISSIST FEELS ANGER BECAUSE YOU ARE TRYING TO SET A BOUNDARY. 

Read the meme - read it very carefully - because that is EXACTLY what she did. I refused to pick up the phone, I left her a message telling me to leave me alone and I was reporting her to the phone company - so she retaliated. 

After I found out she called my job, I sent her a letter of intervention, and no contact. I told her point blank why I felt the way I did, that she needed to fix her life and leave me alone. I listed her weak points and told her to get back into counseling. She needed to work on herself and stop bothering me. I did what a true friend does - she engages in certain behaviors that are harmful to herself and well-being. And I listed them and why they were harmful to her. She couldn't handle it. She says she 'gets offended very easily.' Oh, but she can call ME and list MY faults and tell me that I have an addiction (chocolate). Sorry toots, my love of chocolate does not end up with me in fist fights. While her behaviors did. 

Well, she went full-out-of-control and filed harassment charges on me. We ended up in court, where while we were waiting for the judge to arrive, she was yelling at the DA assistant handling her case. (she had left a nasty message on facebook, and when I responded, she tried to tell the DA that I had contacted her). I heard the DA tell her loudly "SHE DID NOT CONTACT YOU." She was yelling, the bailiff told her to leave. As she walked past me where I sat nearest the aisle, she said to me in a very low voice "I will beat your ass." I immediately raised my hand to the bailiff and said loudly "Excuse me, she just threatened me."

The bailiffs jumped into action, she started running out of the courtroom, they got her by the door and she started yelling. It was a circus. She was OUT OF CONTROL! They actually put her in a separate room down the hall. But she could be heard screaming all over the place. (I’m surprised she didn’t bust a blood vessel). 

A few minutes later, my lawyer arrived. He said he heard the yelling as he got off the elevator. She did not appear in the court room again. She was told to stay home for my next appearance, where the asshole judge, a known sympathizer to substance abusers, sentenced me to a one year restraining order against F. 

It was unfair. However, I didn't care. It meant that I finally got her out of my life - because if I couldn't contact her, she couldn't contact me either. Well, actually she was not prevented from contacting me, but she would look awfully stupid if she did). So thank you anyway judge - You did what I could not - GOT HER OUT OF MY LIFE. For 7 years - since 2005, (except for the 2 months in 2010) I wanted her GONE. And now - she was. 

And with her latest contact to me - in March of 2022 - her contacting me on Instagram that she wants to be my friend again 10 years after the crap she did to me -- I told her in no uncertain terms NO. she had given me her phone number on instagram - which I called and left her a voice mail. 

I reminded her - that she got a restraining order against me 10 years ago - and she contacted me this time. I told her - "don't try to file charges on me again - YOU contacted me. And you're going to look awfully silly in the DA's office - you got a restraining order on someone, and now YOU'RE contacting them?" 

So well, yeah, she IS powerless over me now. I HAVE THE POWER NOW.

Is she feeling anger? Shame? Worthless? Powerless? I don't know. I don't care.

Whatever the fuck she's feeling - it's not my concern. She is dead to me. Fuck her.

 

Once a snake, always a snake - Joan/Doris and Fran: snakes.

 

In 2012, Francine called my job to get me fired. She claimed I was violating HPPA by looking up her medical records.

1. My sign on information - my password - got me only to a certain portion of the hospital computer system - only that portion that allowed me to chart patient’s vital signs, outputs, their ADLs (activities of daily living) and the tasks that I performed (doing my job).
I had access to ONLY the patients that I was assigned to. The charge nurse, who made out my assignment had to go in, select those patients, and assign my name to them.
Sometimes I would see on the grease board my assignment (Rooms 1 to 10, for example). I would see Mr. So and So is in room 2. I took him to the bathroom. I go to check off that I took him to the bathroom, but the charge nurse hadn’t assigned my name to him yet, so I COULD NOT ACCESS HIS CHART TO PUT IN THE INFORMATION.
As soon as she assigned my name in the computer to that patient, then and only then, could I access his chart to do my documentation.
Also the patient’s chart that I could access ONLY had the areas that the hospital deemed that I, as a nurse aide/PCA, needed to do my job. Other people had access to more of the patient chart, as per what their job function was.
If Francine was NOT on my assigned patient list (and she never was), THERE WAS NO WAY I COULD ACCESS HER MEDICAL RECORDS.

2. My employer’s  COMPUTER SECURITY TEAM TRACKED EVERY KEYSTROKE I PERFORMED.

3. When she called the hospital - they investigated and found me innocent - because of all of the above.

4. Francine herself worked at another hospital for a couple of years. She knows these things - she herself got fired because she violated HPPA - she knows how hospitals work, and how their computer security systems work. So her calling my employer was an out and out LIE - and trying to get me fired, so I could lose my source of income.

Joan Wheeler/Doris Sippel also would call my job with lies to get me fired. And again, I was investigated, and found innocent - again for the same reasons above. 

Both Joan/Doris and Francine are snakes. They have both been out of my life for 10 years now - and they will remain OUT of my life. Because I do not trust them. I know them too well.

Francine contacted me on Instagram a few months ago, wanting back into my life.
OH HELL NO.

I no longer allow people to cause chaos in my life.

 

Read this well Francine and Doris/Joan - you have both been out of my life since 2012.
I refuse to let either one of you drama queens and your fucked up chaotic selves into my serene life.

I don’t care how much whining you do Francine, ("life is short, I hope to see you before I leave this world") - you should have thought of that before you kicked me in the teeth. And you come whining in March 2022 that you want to be in my life.
Fuck off.

I do not want certain people around me.

 

THIS.
This is why I tried to distance myself from both Doris/Joan and the exBFF.
And the narcissists that they are weren’t having it.
Both decided to ‘punish’ me.
Both had always used me as a doormat - and when I pulled that doormat out, they weren’t going to have it.

It took a few years and some serious blows, but I finally got the exBFF out of my life. That was 10 years ago. I have been very happy the past 10 years. Even Doris/Joan has finally stopped her crap.

I don’t know if she ever stopped her stupid calling my job trying to get me fired. The last time I was called down to Human Resources they told me they had investigated me for the ‘computer fraud’ that Doris/Joan told them I was doing - and they found me innocent. (they can track every key-stroke I did).

At that meeting, I told them, “you know I’m innocent. I’ve been working here for many years, you know what kind of worker I am. You know my reputation. You know that Joan Wheeler aka Doris Michol Sippel has been harassing and stalking me for years - and calling you since 1995 with stupid false accusations - you have investigated those false claims and have found me innocent. Frankly, I don’t want to hear it anymore. She calls again, YOU call your legal team and handle her. I’ve had her in court several times, but they won’t do a damn thing because she’s related to me. I just want to be left alone to do my job.”

And when the exBFF tried that nonsense as well to ‘punish’ me for removing her from my facebook (how childish) - and I was called down to HR again, (after having been investigated and found innocent), I told them the same thing. I told them if they get any more bullshit calls and they investigate me, and find me innocent, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I told them to get their legal team on it.

Were any more calls made by either the exBFF or Joan/Doris? I don’t know. If they did call, I wasn’t told.

That was all back in 2012 and 2013. I retired in 2015. My husband had retired a few years before me. We are now enjoying our retirement.

The meme says "My whole mindset has changed. I don't have the energy to do certain things or be around certain people anymore. I'm at the point in my life now where if something feels like it's draining my energy or fighting with my peace of mind, I'm not dealing with it, at all. I'll walk away from that shit in a heartbeat."

The only reason I’m spending energy relating these things here on my blog, is to get these things off my chest. And I know these two abusers (Joan/Doris, the exBFF) are such whiny losers, narcissists and abusers, they won’t accept that I DON’T WANT THEM AROUND ME.

Proof: Just a few months ago, March 2022, the exBFF contacted me on Instagram, wanting to be my friend again. (see recent older posts on this blog). Her message to me included her phone number which I called and left a voicemail telling her in no uncertain terms that I want nothing to do with her EVER!

The last line of the meme: “I'll walk away from that shit in a heartbeat.”

STAY AWAY FROM ME FRANCINE - YOU ARE DEAD TO ME. GOODBYE AND GOOD RIDDANCE.

The one in the middle - about not apologizing - well, sometimes they do apologize - but in a way that you know they don't mean it.

To them, an apology is not about any kind of regret of what they did, but rather it is simply words carefully said in order to manipulate you into 'forgiving' them and enabling them to keep shitting on you. 

When the exBFF contacted me on instagram recently, she rendered one of those haphazard 'apologies; - saying she was sorry for 'not understanding me the way I thought she should have.' 

read that again. She basically turned her apology around to put it all on ME. That it was MY fault that she didn't understand me! What fucking nerve!

And no where was there an apology or acknowledgement of the shit she did to me 2010-2012. She assumed she could manipulate me into forgiving her and let her back into my life - she even left me her phone number! Which I called and left her a voicemail letting her know in no uncertain terms that I wanted nothing to do with her.

 

I deserve good company -- narcissists, users and abusers, troublemakers, people who thrive on chaos and drama - are not welcome in my life.

 Found this on facebook. 

"I deserve good company. If someone is consistently irksome, annoying, or a general bore, I am not required to keep their company, online or off. Kindness does not require the sacrifice of the few, precious opportunities for good fellowship to spare the feelings of jackanapes who are making no effort to spare mine." 

This is excellent. I need to just add -- "a narcissist who previously used and abused me." after 'general bore.' 

I am still baffled at the sheer arrogance of my exBFF who 10 years ago did some rotten things to me. We've had no contact for 10 years, then about a week ago, she contacts me on Instagram - she 'misses' me and wants to rekindle our past friendship. (see the next three posts for details).

Not a chance. I have serenity in my life now - I don't need a person who thrives on chaos and drama in my life.

 When she contacted me on Instagram recently, trying to worm her way into my life again, she wrote - "Ruth and Francine FOREVER. To which I say: Ruth and Francine NEVER!

for more on this topic, see the following posts (click on the title).

I used to 'accept' things that I couldn't change. Or rather I used to think I COULDN'T change things. March 16, 2022

I have peace - why would I want a disruptive person in my life again? March 15, 2022

To My exBFF - March 14, 2022