Burning Bridges Can Be Beautiful

The version of me that tolerated bullshit just because she was my 'sister' or the other she - because she used to be my best friend.

My life is so calm since The Nameless One and the exBFF are out of my life.

 

You can't be friends with someone who tried to destroy you in the past.

 

so true.

The exBFF took a shot at me and missed. She called my job in 2012 and said I was printing out her medical records.

First of all, my employee computer sign on information allowed me to access a PORTION OF THE CHART of the current patient(s) that I was assigned to. The portion that contained ONLY what I needed to use in my position as a PCA (Patient Care Associate, formerly called Nurse’s Aide). It contained places where I entered the patient’s vital signs, etc.
The chart was designed as a ‘check off list’ - it listed ALL the things that I would encounter as a PCA - like ‘linen change’ or ‘ambulate to bathroom’ ‘check restraints’ - and there were little boxes that you moved the cursor to and checked off.
There were spaces to write in the patient’s vital signs and intake and output - blood pressure, temperature, how much they drank, how much urine was in their foley or in the measuring cap in the toilet. There was no place that gave me any personal information on the patient - only their name, age, gender.

So right off the bat, my employer knew I was innocent. But they had to check out any allegation of violation of patient privacy. And they did. Hospital computer security protocols allowed them to TRACK EVERY KEYSTROKE I DID.

Human Resources also called me down to tell me what happened. Because they knew that I had been continuously accused of this computer tampering on and off since 1995 by Joan/Doris. And she did it again in 2012. And my employee knew she was lying as well. Again, because they could track every keystroke I did.

Yes, in 2012, I was attacked by both of them. Their accusations against me were found to be LIES. Lies designed to get me fired and destroy my life. I was paying a mortgage. My job was putting food on my table. Well, I don’t need to explain to you readers what losing a job would mean. And both the exBFF and Joan/Doris wanted that to happen to me. 

Their lies went nowhere because my employer knew that after 40 years on the job, I was a good, reliable worker. I retired in October 2015, with 43 years at the same employer. 43 years of dedicated, excellent work taking care of my patients, the hospital’s customers. I earned a pretty good pension too. I worked my ass off for that hospital from 1972 to 2015. It was hard, but rewarding work. And neither Joan/Doris or the exBFF could ever take that away from me, no matter how many lies they tried to sell.

Did either of them try to call my employer after 2012? I don’t know. Because I told them in Human Resources that if Joan/Doris or F. called again, I didn’t want to know about it. I told them “Investigate me if you want. I don’t care. I do my job. Somebody calls you with lies - I don’t want to know about it." And so, if any more lying calls were made about me, I wasn’t told. If any calls were made after I retired, I don’t know. All I know is that once I did retire - it seemed as though both Joan/Doris and the exBFF dropped off the earth! I had PEACE for the first time since the late 80’s when Joan/Doris started her crap with me.

So fast forward 10 years to March 2022 - when the exBFF contacts me on Instagram, saying she ‘misses’ me and wants to be my friend again.

I’d had 10 years of peace without that drugged-out whack job and now she wants back into my life? OH HELL NO.     

When a narcissist realizes they have lost control over you - how the exBFF reacted when I told her to go away

This meme is absolutely true. Why do I agree with it? Well, I have to lay out a timeline of a events first. 

In 2005, after I hand-delivered her to detox (at her request), she did go into counseling. She asked for some space, which I gave her. She called me several weeks later to tell me of the progress she was making in counseling. Telling me things she learned, then proceeded to apply what she learned to me. By that I mean, she started psycho-analyzing me, telling me of my faults and why I was faulted. (my love of chocolate).That did not sit well with me. I am a grown woman and can (and have in the past) recognized when I need help.

She also called me one day, drunk, talking nonsense. I was livid. When I took her to counseling, I had actually stayed at her house the night before and was with her most of the next day. I had called in sick to my job that night, and now I was going without sleep (I worked the night shift). I used up MY sick time, and almost 24 hours of MY time to help her, and now, after counseling, she's drunk and high again. I gave up. So I didn't return any of her phone calls.

I ran into her at a store in September 2010, and I went to her house and had a good talk with her. She told me she recognized how she had driven away her friends with her substance abuse and wanted to fix things. 

But just 2 months later -- I was on a three-way email conversation with my two older sisters. A question had come up about social services and we were unclear about the difference between Social Security Supplemental Income and Social Security Disability and Social Services (welfare, food stamps etc). I said, "you know who might know, would be K. (my niece) and F. (the exBFF). (because both had been on 'welfare' in the past. It was not a condemnation of either of them, simply a matter that since they had been on welfare, they know the what the terms mean. So I forwarded the email exchanged to both.

F. the exBFF fired off a nasty email to me - she was insulted! She said she was not a welfare queen and lived a good life (in public housing with rental assistance, which is a form of social help, so...?) 

I emailed her back, I told her she was over-reacting, I included her in the now 5 way email exchange because I thought of her as 'family' - but now I was done with her. She had also expressed anger because I had removed her from my facebook. - yes, I did, because when I got her email, I said to myself, "this isn't going to work. I've reunited with her for 2 months, and here we go again." I explained why I removed her from my facebook and told her I wanted nothing to do with her. 

Two months later, in January 2011, the day after my father's funeral, she called me on the phone to 'express sympathy.' She read about it in the newspaper. I did not call her to tell her about it - because at the time, I had cut her out of my life.

On the phone, she started yelling, and trashed my father. THE DAY AFTER WE BURIED HIM, SHE'S TRASHING HIM! I hung up. 

My memory is unclear if she tried to call me during 2011 - I was grieving and going through other things. But (and I don't recall the date right now, but it was around October 2011) that my phone rang one Saturday night about midnight. I was off from work and working on my computer - I checked my caller ID - it was F. I didn't pick up the phone - and she began recording her message - she was angry. "Why'd you take me off your facebook?" - um, 1. I'm a grown woman, I will remove someone from my facebook any damn time I please. 2. We already discussed this in the email exchange in November 2010. I did not pick up the phone, and she called 5 more times. 

But what I did was to change the 'greeting' on my answering machine - leaving her a message and I told her to stop calling me, I will report her to the phone company. And to leave me alone. 

The following day, Sunday, she called my job and finagled her way into finding out my immediate supervisor's name. AND CALLED THAT SUPERVISOR THE FOLLOWING DAY! (Monday). And reported that I was accessing her medical records on hospital computers. Trying to get me fired. I was investigated and found innocent. (they can track every keystroke I did). Meanwhile I called the phone company, reported her and changed my phone number. 

So to quote the meme: THE NARCISSIST FEELS ANGER BECAUSE YOU ARE TRYING TO SET A BOUNDARY. 

Read the meme - read it very carefully - because that is EXACTLY what she did. I refused to pick up the phone, I left her a message telling me to leave me alone and I was reporting her to the phone company - so she retaliated. 

After I found out she called my job, I sent her a letter of intervention, and no contact. I told her point blank why I felt the way I did, that she needed to fix her life and leave me alone. I listed her weak points and told her to get back into counseling. She needed to work on herself and stop bothering me. I did what a true friend does - she engages in certain behaviors that are harmful to herself and well-being. And I listed them and why they were harmful to her. She couldn't handle it. She says she 'gets offended very easily.' Oh, but she can call ME and list MY faults and tell me that I have an addiction (chocolate). Sorry toots, my love of chocolate does not end up with me in fist fights. While her behaviors did. 

Well, she went full-out-of-control and filed harassment charges on me. We ended up in court, where while we were waiting for the judge to arrive, she was yelling at the DA assistant handling her case. (she had left a nasty message on facebook, and when I responded, she tried to tell the DA that I had contacted her). I heard the DA tell her loudly "SHE DID NOT CONTACT YOU." She was yelling, the bailiff told her to leave. As she walked past me where I sat nearest the aisle, she said to me in a very low voice "I will beat your ass." I immediately raised my hand to the bailiff and said loudly "Excuse me, she just threatened me."

The bailiffs jumped into action, she started running out of the courtroom, they got her by the door and she started yelling. It was a circus. She was OUT OF CONTROL! They actually put her in a separate room down the hall. But she could be heard screaming all over the place. (I’m surprised she didn’t bust a blood vessel). 

A few minutes later, my lawyer arrived. He said he heard the yelling as he got off the elevator. She did not appear in the court room again. She was told to stay home for my next appearance, where the asshole judge, a known sympathizer to substance abusers, sentenced me to a one year restraining order against F. 

It was unfair. However, I didn't care. It meant that I finally got her out of my life - because if I couldn't contact her, she couldn't contact me either. Well, actually she was not prevented from contacting me, but she would look awfully stupid if she did). So thank you anyway judge - You did what I could not - GOT HER OUT OF MY LIFE. For 7 years - since 2005, (except for the 2 months in 2010) I wanted her GONE. And now - she was. 

And with her latest contact to me - in March of 2022 - her contacting me on Instagram that she wants to be my friend again 10 years after the crap she did to me -- I told her in no uncertain terms NO. she had given me her phone number on instagram - which I called and left her a voice mail. 

I reminded her - that she got a restraining order against me 10 years ago - and she contacted me this time. I told her - "don't try to file charges on me again - YOU contacted me. And you're going to look awfully silly in the DA's office - you got a restraining order on someone, and now YOU'RE contacting them?" 

So well, yeah, she IS powerless over me now. I HAVE THE POWER NOW.

Is she feeling anger? Shame? Worthless? Powerless? I don't know. I don't care.

Whatever the fuck she's feeling - it's not my concern. She is dead to me. Fuck her.

 

Once a snake, always a snake - Joan/Doris and Fran: snakes.

 

In 2012, Francine called my job to get me fired. She claimed I was violating HPPA by looking up her medical records.

1. My sign on information - my password - got me only to a certain portion of the hospital computer system - only that portion that allowed me to chart patient’s vital signs, outputs, their ADLs (activities of daily living) and the tasks that I performed (doing my job).
I had access to ONLY the patients that I was assigned to. The charge nurse, who made out my assignment had to go in, select those patients, and assign my name to them.
Sometimes I would see on the grease board my assignment (Rooms 1 to 10, for example). I would see Mr. So and So is in room 2. I took him to the bathroom. I go to check off that I took him to the bathroom, but the charge nurse hadn’t assigned my name to him yet, so I COULD NOT ACCESS HIS CHART TO PUT IN THE INFORMATION.
As soon as she assigned my name in the computer to that patient, then and only then, could I access his chart to do my documentation.
Also the patient’s chart that I could access ONLY had the areas that the hospital deemed that I, as a nurse aide/PCA, needed to do my job. Other people had access to more of the patient chart, as per what their job function was.
If Francine was NOT on my assigned patient list (and she never was), THERE WAS NO WAY I COULD ACCESS HER MEDICAL RECORDS.

2. My employer’s  COMPUTER SECURITY TEAM TRACKED EVERY KEYSTROKE I PERFORMED.

3. When she called the hospital - they investigated and found me innocent - because of all of the above.

4. Francine herself worked at another hospital for a couple of years. She knows these things - she herself got fired because she violated HPPA - she knows how hospitals work, and how their computer security systems work. So her calling my employer was an out and out LIE - and trying to get me fired, so I could lose my source of income.

Joan Wheeler/Doris Sippel also would call my job with lies to get me fired. And again, I was investigated, and found innocent - again for the same reasons above. 

Both Joan/Doris and Francine are snakes. They have both been out of my life for 10 years now - and they will remain OUT of my life. Because I do not trust them. I know them too well.

Francine contacted me on Instagram a few months ago, wanting back into my life.
OH HELL NO.

Joan/Doris is old news, irrelevant, boring.

 a post I made on facebook earlier this evening.

 my facebook intro:

A few years ago, my sister Gert made a facebook page called "Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman's Struggle For Identity; a book study" -- it was to replace our old Wordpress blogs. The other day, Gert made the decision to delete the page, as we no longer have a use for it. I wrote the following post a little while ago.

Despite my finding the other day that about 6 months ago Joan/Doris got called out on facebook for busting up a marriage, the time has come to put her where she belongs: away from us.

The Notice:

Notice from Ruth Sippel Pace

this page is in the process of being deleted.

Joan Mary Wheeler aka Doris Michol Sippel is irrelevant.

When her book was published in 2009, we had blogs to refute every damn lie that was in her wretched book. Those blogs were taken down by a series of trumped up complaints by Joan and one of her cronies. Doesn't matter - because we accomplished what we set out to do: get that book pulled from publication.

In the book, Joan/Doris twisted several stories regarding me and her - specifically in our court proceedings about harassment. In the book she says this and that -- I submitted the actual court documents to the publisher of her book. They reviewed everything and pulled the book from publication. 

When Joan/Doris signed a contract with them, she stated her book was non-fiction and everything in it was true and factual. When I presented the proof that she lied about me in the book - the publisher's legal team ruled that she violated her contract. 

Years ago, Joan/Doris had 3 fantasies. 

1. that her book would be a million dollar best-seller

2. her book would be made into a blockbuster Hollywood movie

3. because of those two 'successes', she would be in demand as a top speaker at adoption conferences all over the world.

When her book was pulled from publication, all three of her fantasies came crashing down on her. 

Joan/Doris and others like her describe themselves as 'angry adoptees' - those that are so pissed that they were adopted they can't see reason - in regards to anything. When I had my main blog up and running, and I would relate an action of harassment by Joan/Doris against me (like stealing money from me) - her 'angry adoptee' friends would come running and leave obscene comments on my page, and accuse me of not respecting Joan/Doris. 

I countered - if a person steals from me, and I outed them, you would say "You go girl. Don't let them walk all over you." But if that person happens to be an adoptee, you think I'm wrong for NOT letting them walk all over me. This is what I mean that these angry adoptees can not and will not see reason. They were adopted. They were wronged. Therefore the world owes them everything. The world should not be angry at them when they misbehave. They think that anyone who disagrees with them should be treated like dirt. BULLSHIT. 

So all this happened more than 10 years ago. What has changed? The adoptees that DO see reason, that DO object to people treating others like dirt, have distanced themselves from Joan/Doris. 

She struggles to get any books published. I don't know what else she does as I don't care about her. She has been neutralized. She has actually finally done what I started to accomplish back in October 2009, in answering a comment she put out on a national news website about adoption. --That she refrains from putting out information about us, her birth sisters. 

I had repeatedly said all over the internet - all Joan/Doris has to say is, "I was given up for adoption when my mother died and my father had child care issues. When I turned 18, I was found by my older siblings. We had a nice reunion, but then things turned sour. I do not associate with my birth sisters. " And for the past few years, that is essentially what she has been doing - maybe not in those same words. 

I myself do have a blog via Google's Blogger, that I had intended to replace my main blog from Wordpress. I was thinking about copying and pasting old blogposts here and there, but frankly, since I've retired, I got better things to do. And so does Gert, who had started this page also as a replacement for her old Wordpress blog. 

I will continue to keep my Google Blooger blog, in case Joan/Doris starts her shit again. But really, there's nothing she can do to me now. In the past, she liked to call my job with lies - trying to get me fired. Ha.! I'm retired now, I took away her favorite toy. 

Joan/Doris is old news, irrelevant, boring. And as I said above, we did what we set out to do: get that book that was full of lies about me pulled from publication. She did make two more editions of it, changing things around - making two more versions of 'the truth' - and how can there be more versions of a truth? I'm not talking about personal perceptions, but actual FACTS. She can't say she had an order of protection against me for the duration of one year, when the actual court document reads SIX MONTHS.

Facts are facts. Lies are Lies. She got caught in her lies, and the publisher saw the lies, and saw the factual court document and pulled the book. 

So, she self-published it and hawks it on amazon. She's not making any millions from it. Not many people are buying it. And those that do - if they can't see beyond the crap she wrote about me - her own admission to being a child abuser and an alcoholic, and a bar-hopping tramp - well if they like that kind of story-telling, they are as bad as she is. 

And with that, Gert and I bid you all a fond farewell.

We have peace and joy in our lives. I doubt that Joan/Doris does. We don't really care. And we hope anyone reading this has peace and joy in your lives as well.

Live Long and Prosper.

ps    oh, by the way, in deleting stuff from the facebook page, I came across this post that I made in 2015.

It is interesting that the other day, a troll came here and tried to shut us up. But on her own facebook page she put up a meme and left this comment: "Never let people bully you into not telling your story."
But that was exactly what that troll was trying to do to us - BULLY us into silence. And while the troll was busy admonishing us and telling us to behave, the troll stooped to calling us names. (how childish).

I did engage in a conversation with the troll - but will not do so in the future. All trolls will be dealt with swiftly. If you want to engage in an adult conversation, fine, but bullying and name-calling will not be tolerated.

Getting back to the present: in regards to bullying trolls -- this is exactly why comments have been turned off on this blog that you are reading now.

I don't have to take anyone's shit. 

I do not want certain people around me.

 

THIS.
This is why I tried to distance myself from both Doris/Joan and the exBFF.
And the narcissists that they are weren’t having it.
Both decided to ‘punish’ me.
Both had always used me as a doormat - and when I pulled that doormat out, they weren’t going to have it.

It took a few years and some serious blows, but I finally got the exBFF out of my life. That was 10 years ago. I have been very happy the past 10 years. Even Doris/Joan has finally stopped her crap.

I don’t know if she ever stopped her stupid calling my job trying to get me fired. The last time I was called down to Human Resources they told me they had investigated me for the ‘computer fraud’ that Doris/Joan told them I was doing - and they found me innocent. (they can track every key-stroke I did).

At that meeting, I told them, “you know I’m innocent. I’ve been working here for many years, you know what kind of worker I am. You know my reputation. You know that Joan Wheeler aka Doris Michol Sippel has been harassing and stalking me for years - and calling you since 1995 with stupid false accusations - you have investigated those false claims and have found me innocent. Frankly, I don’t want to hear it anymore. She calls again, YOU call your legal team and handle her. I’ve had her in court several times, but they won’t do a damn thing because she’s related to me. I just want to be left alone to do my job.”

And when the exBFF tried that nonsense as well to ‘punish’ me for removing her from my facebook (how childish) - and I was called down to HR again, (after having been investigated and found innocent), I told them the same thing. I told them if they get any more bullshit calls and they investigate me, and find me innocent, I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ANYTHING ABOUT IT. I told them to get their legal team on it.

Were any more calls made by either the exBFF or Joan/Doris? I don’t know. If they did call, I wasn’t told.

That was all back in 2012 and 2013. I retired in 2015. My husband had retired a few years before me. We are now enjoying our retirement.

The meme says "My whole mindset has changed. I don't have the energy to do certain things or be around certain people anymore. I'm at the point in my life now where if something feels like it's draining my energy or fighting with my peace of mind, I'm not dealing with it, at all. I'll walk away from that shit in a heartbeat."

The only reason I’m spending energy relating these things here on my blog, is to get these things off my chest. And I know these two abusers (Joan/Doris, the exBFF) are such whiny losers, narcissists and abusers, they won’t accept that I DON’T WANT THEM AROUND ME.

Proof: Just a few months ago, March 2022, the exBFF contacted me on Instagram, wanting to be my friend again. (see recent older posts on this blog). Her message to me included her phone number which I called and left a voicemail telling her in no uncertain terms that I want nothing to do with her EVER!

The last line of the meme: “I'll walk away from that shit in a heartbeat.”

STAY AWAY FROM ME FRANCINE - YOU ARE DEAD TO ME. GOODBYE AND GOOD RIDDANCE.

The one in the middle - about not apologizing - well, sometimes they do apologize - but in a way that you know they don't mean it.

To them, an apology is not about any kind of regret of what they did, but rather it is simply words carefully said in order to manipulate you into 'forgiving' them and enabling them to keep shitting on you. 

When the exBFF contacted me on instagram recently, she rendered one of those haphazard 'apologies; - saying she was sorry for 'not understanding me the way I thought she should have.' 

read that again. She basically turned her apology around to put it all on ME. That it was MY fault that she didn't understand me! What fucking nerve!

And no where was there an apology or acknowledgement of the shit she did to me 2010-2012. She assumed she could manipulate me into forgiving her and let her back into my life - she even left me her phone number! Which I called and left her a voicemail letting her know in no uncertain terms that I wanted nothing to do with her.

 

To My exBFF

 To my exBFF

This is what I received via Instagram messages on Friday, March 11, 2022  plus a notification that this person - initials FJM was 'following me' on Instagram.
This is my exBFF who 10 years took me to court for harassment after I sent her a letter of intervention - to get her to stop harassing ME. (leaving insulting messages to me on facebook, calling my job telling them I was accessing her medical records (they investigated and found me innocent). She is an actress, cried tears, she was the victim, oh boo-hoo. At one point in court - before the judge entered, she was arguing with the assistant DA assigned to her - and started swearing at him - the bailiff told her to shut up - she didn't - she got tossed out - while she passed me sitting there, she threatened me "I'll beat your ass." I immediately waved my hand at the bailiff "excuse me, she just threatened me." The bailiffs came over - she started screaming as they tossed her out. They put her in a separate room - but everyone could her screaming like a banshee.
She was out of control - to the point she was told NOT to return to court. However, the judge, being sympathetic to 'those under the influence' turned around and gave me a one year restraining order - I was to stay away from her for one year. No problem! I'd been trying to get away from her for 2 years!
So imagine my surprise when I see this on my Instagram the other day.
I answered her and told her I want nothing to do with her. She then blocked me. Fine.
I thought about it and realized, I never got a chance to say what I really wanted to say, and that's the purpose of this blog post. Because she blocked me before I got the screenshot - it comes up as "Instagram User" - that's ok. In this graphic here, I blanked out her phone number - but I have the original with the phone number intact.
I'm not falling for her boo-hooing. And I'm NOT letting her back into my life.
So now, dear exBFF - here is my response. Please read it and would you understand (this blog post) that I never wanted your 'understanding' of me (what's to understand? I'm not that complicated a person) I never said that - what I wanted was your RESPECT - which you never gave. As outlined below:

at the bottom of her message - cut off here - she wrote   "Ruth and Francine FOREVER. To which I say: Ruth and Francine NEVER!

Dear FJM
You say you ‘didn’t understand me’ as well as I thought you should. Okay, I will enlighten you.

Do you remember when I first got the red van that belonged to John’s mother? And you didn’t have a car? I let you take the van - gave you the keys - to go grocery shopping or whatever you wanted. No questions asked.

Fast forward to when that van got smacked and sat in my driveway and you got a car and it was in my name for you to have cheaper car insurance. You had a vehicle, I did not. You never took me shopping nor handed the keys to me so I could do my errands.

I gave you the payment page from the insurance company that listed the amounts due and the payment dates. A couple of months later, I asked if you had sent the payment in - you claimed you ‘lost’ the paper. (but you didn’t tell me). (o, how ‘adult’). So I said ‘just give me the money. If I’m sleeping when you drop it off, put it in an envelope and put it in the mailbox.”

One day, you came over - with a friend sitting in your car - a white lady - I don’t know who she was - you didn’t bother to introduce us. You handed me the money and took off.

So, I’ve got the cash - I’ve got to get the cash into the checking account. The next day, I took TWO BUSES downtown to my credit union behind City Hall to put the cash into my checking account. Then I wrote out a check (checks had to bought - packets of 400 cost about $10.00). --- not being petty, but I worked hard for everything I own.   I put the check in an envelope put on a stamp (stamps aren’t free). And mailed it off in time so that MY credit wouldn’t be affected. Here I am, with no car - taking TWO BUSES to take care of an insurance payment on a car that I don’t own and YOU say you don’t ‘understand?’

And then a few months later, you call me up and you were DRUNK and bitching about your boyfriend and you let slip that his car was in your son’s name. I waited a couple of days and called you up - and you were sober - and I told you what you said. And I told you that you had 30 days to get your car out of my name. You have your boyfriend’s car in your son’s name - you could put YOUR car in your son’s name as well.

So here’s to understanding: You USED me - I let you put your car in my name, but you couldn’t be adult enough to take care of the payments. You couldn't go get a money order, slap a stamp on the envelope and take care of it. And yet you would brag on the phone about this or that you bought and then end the conversation “I’m not like Joni.” Why put that in there? Because you knew you were EXACTLY like Joni. - You are both users and abusers. And you couldn't even bother to take me, your 'friend' shopping - not once! As for all your other 'friends' -- WHO was there after the incident in 1996 - ME and Melissa. Your other so-called friends dropped you. WHO hand-delivered you to de-tox (at your request)? Me. You never once thanked me. Never. I was the one who tried to get you out of the bottle, off the drugs, get you healthy - and what did I get in return? A kick in the teeth.

And that was real nice of you - trashing my father to me on the phone the day after his funeral. Saying he was wrong for doing something in 1956 - three years before you were even born. Are you of the Sippel family? How dare you criticize a parental decision he made. I was telling you of how Joan got a friend of hers to desecrate my father's funeral guest book, and all you had to say was he wrong to give her up for adoption???? 

I never disrespected you or your family when your father died. And speaking of which - the whole year of 2003, when John lost his grandfather, then his mother, then I lost my ex-husband/friend, then my cousin, then my brother -- John and I were grieving - and every other day, YOU are leaving messages on our answering machine "I miss my father." yeah, I get that - but did you EVER stop and think of the pain John and I were going through? FIVE deaths in two months time? Not once did you call and say "how are you guys doing?" Nope, true to narcissistic form - every phone call was about YOU. Never about me and John. 

And when John had his heart surgery - I told you that afternoon when I was leaving the hospital that I would be sleeping on the couch, after watching Star Trek Enterprise at 9pm - and that I didn't want to be disturbed. At 9:30pm, here you are calling, blubbering (drunk) - "I didn't know how much John meant to me until this afternoon" - uh, why were you calling AFTER I said 'don't call?'  I needed to have the phone line open in case the hospital called me about MY husband. He stopped being your concern when you broke up with him in 1983, 20 years prior. I couldn't have one damn night - worrying about my husband, without your drunken interference.

And when unknowingly, you and Joan played ‘tag team’ and both attacked me in 2012 - both of you calling my job to get me fired - I had the same lawyer and the same manager at work - and they both told me the same exact thing: “Ruth, you got to learn to stay away from crazy people.” And I told them - “I’m trying - I’ve been trying for years to get both of them out of my life.”

You didn't like it when T. called your job - what makes you think I would have been jumping in joy when you did it to me. Hence the letter I wrote you. Truths you didn't want to face and went to the extreme and put the final coffin nail in our friendship.

I got you out of my life once - in 2005 - but I made a mistake and let you back in in 2010. I won’t repeat that mistake - you are out of my life and you will NEVER be in it again.

Stop with your ridiculous little-girl bs in your message “Ruth and F  ...FOREVER” with the cutesy little hearts and flowers emoticons. We are not in 6^th grade. Grow up.

Also your whole message (again) was all about ... YOU (everything is always all about you)   “How I miss you” “My brother has died.” ”I hope to see you before I leave this life.”  And you also put that guilt trip in there: “Life is too short.” (you should have thought about that one 10 years ago when you were busy trying to destroy me, but ended up destroying our friendship).

Your half-ass apology “I'm sorry for not understanding you, when you thought I should have” was more bs - and putting it all back on me - that I, Ruth, was in the wrong for thinking you should have understood me.

I didn’t need ‘understanding’ as much as I need RESPECT - and that is something you NEVER gave me. You walked all over me - treated me like a doormat and when I spoke up you dismissed me - you left a horribly insulting message on facebook about my husband - and now, for some reason, you’re feeling sorry for yourself - and you ‘miss’ me and John.

Yes, me and John, and John's brother - the three people in this world who always had your back. And yes, you USED E. as well. He told me you were pestering him for his pain pills. (did you steal from him like you stole from me?) Yes, I'm aware you stole 3 hydrocodones from me. I used to keep the bottle in the kitchen and I got tired of you coming over and asking me for them. You would say "do you know what kind of a buzz you get when you take these with beer?" uh, no, I don't - because I take those things responsibly - I told you several times I kept them for medical emergencies - in case John and I broke a tooth or sprained an ankle and had to wait to see a doctor. Finally one day, when you were on the way over - I moved the bottle into the bathroom - and when you left - I went in and counted them - and 3 were gone. STEALING from a friend? I NEVER stole a thing from you - but this is how you 'understood' me? My understanding is gross disrespect from you. 

Where’s the damn apology for calling my job? Never mind, I don’t need it nor want it. Your lies didn’t work. Just like it didn’t work when Joan pulled that crap. And now that I’m retired - I’ve taken away your plaything.

And now - take heed of this: LEAVE ME ALONE. I do not want now or in the future - you in my life.

AND if John or I should go before you do - instructions have been told to various members of my family - that if you or her show up at the funeral home -- both of you will be escorted OUT.

You called me up the evening of his heart surgery, boo-hooing - “I didn’t know how much John meant to me until this afternoon.” Yet 9 years later, you’re writing shit on facebook, calling him a ‘broke-ass man’ who lives in the deep ghetto.

And don't bother trying to press charges on me - cos you're going to look awful silly - you managed to get a restraining order against someone, then turn around and contact them on Instagram. I have a printout and screen shot of your contact of me on Instagram - and those will be shown to the proper authorities if needs be.

Besides, this post is not to harass you - but to answer YOUR summons - and to explain fully - once and for all -  why we will NEVER be friends again. I do not trust you. 

Please - LEAVE ME ALONE. If you are having guilt feelings, or 'missing me' - that is for you to resolve. I can not help you. I do not WANT to help you. LEAVE ME ALONE.

Ruth and Francine NEVER again. YOU destroyed a near 30 year friendship with your booze, your drugs, your selfishness. fuck off.

for more on this topic, see the following posts - click on the titles.

I deserve good company -- narcissists, users and abusers, troublemakers, people who thrive on chaos and drama - are not welcome in my life. March 21, 2022

I used to 'accept' things that I couldn't change. Or rather I used to think I COULDN'T change things. March 16, 2022

I have peace - why would I want a disruptive person in my life again? March 15, 2022