This is so true.
As an empath, I have always ‘felt’ when I was being played. But there were times I wasn’t self-confident enough
to speak up. Other times, I just didn’t want to deal with the hassle of telling grown ass adults how to behave.
I’ll give an example.
In 2005, I had 7 teeth pulled out and fitted with partial dentures. They gave me a prescription of 30 hydrocodone
tablets. I used only 7 over the course of the following three days, then switched to extra strength Tylenol. I kept the remaining 23 tablets in case my husband and I had an emergency and wasn’t able to see a doctor right
away - for example a broken tooth on a Friday night, or a sprained ankle after the doctor’s office was closed. Painful, but doesn’t warrant a trip to the ER. I kept the bottle on top of a small decorative cabinet in the kitchen in which
I store my vitamins and health supplements.
During the following few months, the exBFF visited my house a few times. Each time, she picked up the bottle and asked for a few. Each time I explained to her they were for me and my husband in case of an EMERGENCY. She would put the bottle down and look at it longingly. One time she even said to me “Do you know what kind of buzz you get when you take these with beer?” I didn’t answer her. But I was uncomfortable. I didn’t like the way things were going. She was placing HER wanting to have a buzz over my and my husband's health choices.
A few weeks later, she phoned and wanted to come over. I said “sure!” When I hung up the phone, I took the bottle of hydrocodones,
counted how many were in there, and put it in my bathroom. When she left after her visit - I immediately went into the bathroom and counted the pills. There were 20 pills. 3 of them were missing. Not only was she snooping
in my things, but she stole from me. SHE STOLE FROM ME!
I never confronted her - but from that moment on - she was banned from my house. I never told her that - and I rarely returned her phone calls. She left messages on my answering machine - I rarely listened to them, when I saw they were from her phone number - I pushed ‘erase’ on the machine.
I did take one phone call from her, I don’t know why. And as soon I said ‘hello’ she started with whatever she was on about. I don’t remember, but I do remember, I was pissed - and this time I spoke up. “Why is it when you call, you never start the conversation by asking how John or I are doing? Why is everything all about you?” I don’t remember what her reaction was, or what she said, or even what else I said. But I did get a call from her sometime after that and when I said ‘Hello,’ she made a point to say, “Hi Ruth, how are you? How’s John?” (So I'm her mother now?, teaching her how to have a polite phone conversation? what are we? 5 fucking years old or what?)
The next part of this story needs a bit of explanation. She had her car and the car insurance in my name so she could save money. So one
afternoon, she called, and something told me - my empath’s intuition - to take the call. She was drunk! In the middle of the afternoon!
She was screaming about her boyfriend. Bitching and swearing about something he did. I don’t remember what he did, why she was pissed, but during her tirade, she blurted out that he had his car in her son’s name. Now it was my turn to be pissed!
So, she has her boyfriend’s car in her son’s name. Her car is in my name. And she never would take me grocery shopping (I didn’t have a car at that time). She also would never be ‘adult’ enough to get a money order, put a stamp on an envelope and mail the payment out herself. Instead, she would drop the money off at my house - and I would have to take 2 buses to my credit union to put the money in my checking account, write out the check, put a stamp on the envelope and mail it out in time.
But I couldn’t say anything about all that to her that day on the phone - she was too drunk to comprehend anything I would have said.
I waited a few days and phoned her. When I ascertained she was sober - I put my foot down. I told her that in light of what she told me in her last phone call, and the fact she never returned the courtesy to me of taking me shopping, or taking responsibilty to see the bill was paid by her - she had 30 days to get her car out of my name. I told her at the end of 30 days, I was going to cancel both the insurance and the car registration. I gave her no chance to argue - I hung up the phone. It was about a week later that she called to tell me that she took care of the car's paperwork and insurance. She was rather subdued when she talked. I didn't speak with her again until 2010 - 5 years later.
We had run into each other in a store. I did go to her house and she admitted that because of her 'self-medicating' she had pushed away all her friends, me included. We had a good talk. I had hoped our friendship could continue. But 2 months later, she proved to me that it was not going to work. So I ended the friendship. The next two years she was down in a cesspool of drugs and other crap and began harassing me, and we ended up in court - described in other posts on this blog.
My empathic intuition has always let me know when things or people were ‘off.’ I didn’t always listen to it - but now I do. After our court case in 2012, I had no contact with her. I had wanted her out of my life and she was. I had 10 years of peace. Until March of 2022, when she contacted me on Instagram. "oh, how I miss you and John." (or did she miss our emergency supply of pain pills?). Whatever. She gave me her phone number. Yeah, I called it. And I told her in no uncertain terms that I would never be friends with her again. NOT EVER.
"Life is short" she said to me instagram. Yeah? Well she should have thought of that before she called my job with lies to get me fired. And left a horribly insulting message about my husband on facebook, or threatened to 'beat my ass' as she passed me in the court room.
I love how she worded her instagram message: "oh, how I miss you and John." She may miss us, she may rue the days she mistreated us - but that's all on her - we don't want any part of her EVER.
