When a narcissist realizes they have lost control over you - how the exBFF reacted when I told her to go away

This meme is absolutely true. Why do I agree with it? Well, I have to lay out a timeline of a events first. 

In 2005, after I hand-delivered her to detox (at her request), she did go into counseling. She asked for some space, which I gave her. She called me several weeks later to tell me of the progress she was making in counseling. Telling me things she learned, then proceeded to apply what she learned to me. By that I mean, she started psycho-analyzing me, telling me of my faults and why I was faulted. (my love of chocolate).That did not sit well with me. I am a grown woman and can (and have in the past) recognized when I need help.

She also called me one day, drunk, talking nonsense. I was livid. When I took her to counseling, I had actually stayed at her house the night before and was with her most of the next day. I had called in sick to my job that night, and now I was going without sleep (I worked the night shift). I used up MY sick time, and almost 24 hours of MY time to help her, and now, after counseling, she's drunk and high again. I gave up. So I didn't return any of her phone calls.

I ran into her at a store in September 2010, and I went to her house and had a good talk with her. She told me she recognized how she had driven away her friends with her substance abuse and wanted to fix things. 

But just 2 months later -- I was on a three-way email conversation with my two older sisters. A question had come up about social services and we were unclear about the difference between Social Security Supplemental Income and Social Security Disability and Social Services (welfare, food stamps etc). I said, "you know who might know, would be K. (my niece) and F. (the exBFF). (because both had been on 'welfare' in the past. It was not a condemnation of either of them, simply a matter that since they had been on welfare, they know the what the terms mean. So I forwarded the email exchanged to both.

F. the exBFF fired off a nasty email to me - she was insulted! She said she was not a welfare queen and lived a good life (in public housing with rental assistance, which is a form of social help, so...?) 

I emailed her back, I told her she was over-reacting, I included her in the now 5 way email exchange because I thought of her as 'family' - but now I was done with her. She had also expressed anger because I had removed her from my facebook. - yes, I did, because when I got her email, I said to myself, "this isn't going to work. I've reunited with her for 2 months, and here we go again." I explained why I removed her from my facebook and told her I wanted nothing to do with her. 

Two months later, in January 2011, the day after my father's funeral, she called me on the phone to 'express sympathy.' She read about it in the newspaper. I did not call her to tell her about it - because at the time, I had cut her out of my life.

On the phone, she started yelling, and trashed my father. THE DAY AFTER WE BURIED HIM, SHE'S TRASHING HIM! I hung up. 

My memory is unclear if she tried to call me during 2011 - I was grieving and going through other things. But (and I don't recall the date right now, but it was around October 2011) that my phone rang one Saturday night about midnight. I was off from work and working on my computer - I checked my caller ID - it was F. I didn't pick up the phone - and she began recording her message - she was angry. "Why'd you take me off your facebook?" - um, 1. I'm a grown woman, I will remove someone from my facebook any damn time I please. 2. We already discussed this in the email exchange in November 2010. I did not pick up the phone, and she called 5 more times. 

But what I did was to change the 'greeting' on my answering machine - leaving her a message and I told her to stop calling me, I will report her to the phone company. And to leave me alone. 

The following day, Sunday, she called my job and finagled her way into finding out my immediate supervisor's name. AND CALLED THAT SUPERVISOR THE FOLLOWING DAY! (Monday). And reported that I was accessing her medical records on hospital computers. Trying to get me fired. I was investigated and found innocent. (they can track every keystroke I did). Meanwhile I called the phone company, reported her and changed my phone number. 

So to quote the meme: THE NARCISSIST FEELS ANGER BECAUSE YOU ARE TRYING TO SET A BOUNDARY. 

Read the meme - read it very carefully - because that is EXACTLY what she did. I refused to pick up the phone, I left her a message telling me to leave me alone and I was reporting her to the phone company - so she retaliated. 

After I found out she called my job, I sent her a letter of intervention, and no contact. I told her point blank why I felt the way I did, that she needed to fix her life and leave me alone. I listed her weak points and told her to get back into counseling. She needed to work on herself and stop bothering me. I did what a true friend does - she engages in certain behaviors that are harmful to herself and well-being. And I listed them and why they were harmful to her. She couldn't handle it. She says she 'gets offended very easily.' Oh, but she can call ME and list MY faults and tell me that I have an addiction (chocolate). Sorry toots, my love of chocolate does not end up with me in fist fights. While her behaviors did. 

Well, she went full-out-of-control and filed harassment charges on me. We ended up in court, where while we were waiting for the judge to arrive, she was yelling at the DA assistant handling her case. (she had left a nasty message on facebook, and when I responded, she tried to tell the DA that I had contacted her). I heard the DA tell her loudly "SHE DID NOT CONTACT YOU." She was yelling, the bailiff told her to leave. As she walked past me where I sat nearest the aisle, she said to me in a very low voice "I will beat your ass." I immediately raised my hand to the bailiff and said loudly "Excuse me, she just threatened me."

The bailiffs jumped into action, she started running out of the courtroom, they got her by the door and she started yelling. It was a circus. She was OUT OF CONTROL! They actually put her in a separate room down the hall. But she could be heard screaming all over the place. (I’m surprised she didn’t bust a blood vessel). 

A few minutes later, my lawyer arrived. He said he heard the yelling as he got off the elevator. She did not appear in the court room again. She was told to stay home for my next appearance, where the asshole judge, a known sympathizer to substance abusers, sentenced me to a one year restraining order against F. 

It was unfair. However, I didn't care. It meant that I finally got her out of my life - because if I couldn't contact her, she couldn't contact me either. Well, actually she was not prevented from contacting me, but she would look awfully stupid if she did). So thank you anyway judge - You did what I could not - GOT HER OUT OF MY LIFE. For 7 years - since 2005, (except for the 2 months in 2010) I wanted her GONE. And now - she was. 

And with her latest contact to me - in March of 2022 - her contacting me on Instagram that she wants to be my friend again 10 years after the crap she did to me -- I told her in no uncertain terms NO. she had given me her phone number on instagram - which I called and left her a voice mail. 

I reminded her - that she got a restraining order against me 10 years ago - and she contacted me this time. I told her - "don't try to file charges on me again - YOU contacted me. And you're going to look awfully silly in the DA's office - you got a restraining order on someone, and now YOU'RE contacting them?" 

So well, yeah, she IS powerless over me now. I HAVE THE POWER NOW.

Is she feeling anger? Shame? Worthless? Powerless? I don't know. I don't care.

Whatever the fuck she's feeling - it's not my concern. She is dead to me. Fuck her.

 

Joan/Doris is old news, irrelevant, boring.

 a post I made on facebook earlier this evening.

 my facebook intro:

A few years ago, my sister Gert made a facebook page called "Duped by adoption & An Adopted Woman's Struggle For Identity; a book study" -- it was to replace our old Wordpress blogs. The other day, Gert made the decision to delete the page, as we no longer have a use for it. I wrote the following post a little while ago.

Despite my finding the other day that about 6 months ago Joan/Doris got called out on facebook for busting up a marriage, the time has come to put her where she belongs: away from us.

The Notice:

Notice from Ruth Sippel Pace

this page is in the process of being deleted.

Joan Mary Wheeler aka Doris Michol Sippel is irrelevant.

When her book was published in 2009, we had blogs to refute every damn lie that was in her wretched book. Those blogs were taken down by a series of trumped up complaints by Joan and one of her cronies. Doesn't matter - because we accomplished what we set out to do: get that book pulled from publication.

In the book, Joan/Doris twisted several stories regarding me and her - specifically in our court proceedings about harassment. In the book she says this and that -- I submitted the actual court documents to the publisher of her book. They reviewed everything and pulled the book from publication. 

When Joan/Doris signed a contract with them, she stated her book was non-fiction and everything in it was true and factual. When I presented the proof that she lied about me in the book - the publisher's legal team ruled that she violated her contract. 

Years ago, Joan/Doris had 3 fantasies. 

1. that her book would be a million dollar best-seller

2. her book would be made into a blockbuster Hollywood movie

3. because of those two 'successes', she would be in demand as a top speaker at adoption conferences all over the world.

When her book was pulled from publication, all three of her fantasies came crashing down on her. 

Joan/Doris and others like her describe themselves as 'angry adoptees' - those that are so pissed that they were adopted they can't see reason - in regards to anything. When I had my main blog up and running, and I would relate an action of harassment by Joan/Doris against me (like stealing money from me) - her 'angry adoptee' friends would come running and leave obscene comments on my page, and accuse me of not respecting Joan/Doris. 

I countered - if a person steals from me, and I outed them, you would say "You go girl. Don't let them walk all over you." But if that person happens to be an adoptee, you think I'm wrong for NOT letting them walk all over me. This is what I mean that these angry adoptees can not and will not see reason. They were adopted. They were wronged. Therefore the world owes them everything. The world should not be angry at them when they misbehave. They think that anyone who disagrees with them should be treated like dirt. BULLSHIT. 

So all this happened more than 10 years ago. What has changed? The adoptees that DO see reason, that DO object to people treating others like dirt, have distanced themselves from Joan/Doris. 

She struggles to get any books published. I don't know what else she does as I don't care about her. She has been neutralized. She has actually finally done what I started to accomplish back in October 2009, in answering a comment she put out on a national news website about adoption. --That she refrains from putting out information about us, her birth sisters. 

I had repeatedly said all over the internet - all Joan/Doris has to say is, "I was given up for adoption when my mother died and my father had child care issues. When I turned 18, I was found by my older siblings. We had a nice reunion, but then things turned sour. I do not associate with my birth sisters. " And for the past few years, that is essentially what she has been doing - maybe not in those same words. 

I myself do have a blog via Google's Blogger, that I had intended to replace my main blog from Wordpress. I was thinking about copying and pasting old blogposts here and there, but frankly, since I've retired, I got better things to do. And so does Gert, who had started this page also as a replacement for her old Wordpress blog. 

I will continue to keep my Google Blooger blog, in case Joan/Doris starts her shit again. But really, there's nothing she can do to me now. In the past, she liked to call my job with lies - trying to get me fired. Ha.! I'm retired now, I took away her favorite toy. 

Joan/Doris is old news, irrelevant, boring. And as I said above, we did what we set out to do: get that book that was full of lies about me pulled from publication. She did make two more editions of it, changing things around - making two more versions of 'the truth' - and how can there be more versions of a truth? I'm not talking about personal perceptions, but actual FACTS. She can't say she had an order of protection against me for the duration of one year, when the actual court document reads SIX MONTHS.

Facts are facts. Lies are Lies. She got caught in her lies, and the publisher saw the lies, and saw the factual court document and pulled the book. 

So, she self-published it and hawks it on amazon. She's not making any millions from it. Not many people are buying it. And those that do - if they can't see beyond the crap she wrote about me - her own admission to being a child abuser and an alcoholic, and a bar-hopping tramp - well if they like that kind of story-telling, they are as bad as she is. 

And with that, Gert and I bid you all a fond farewell.

We have peace and joy in our lives. I doubt that Joan/Doris does. We don't really care. And we hope anyone reading this has peace and joy in your lives as well.

Live Long and Prosper.

ps    oh, by the way, in deleting stuff from the facebook page, I came across this post that I made in 2015.

It is interesting that the other day, a troll came here and tried to shut us up. But on her own facebook page she put up a meme and left this comment: "Never let people bully you into not telling your story."
But that was exactly what that troll was trying to do to us - BULLY us into silence. And while the troll was busy admonishing us and telling us to behave, the troll stooped to calling us names. (how childish).

I did engage in a conversation with the troll - but will not do so in the future. All trolls will be dealt with swiftly. If you want to engage in an adult conversation, fine, but bullying and name-calling will not be tolerated.

Getting back to the present: in regards to bullying trolls -- this is exactly why comments have been turned off on this blog that you are reading now.

I don't have to take anyone's shit. 

Suffering from Post-Adoption Wounds doesn't give you the right to abuse others. There is no "I'm an Adoptee so I can treat you like shit and get away with it" Badge.

So this came across my facebook newsfeed: "Relinquishment and Adoption: Understanding the Impact of an Early Psychological Wound" (video) - link provided below

ok, I get it, they've been wounded. I may not be able to understand completely, because I didn't experience it. But I've tried to understand, I did my 'homework' -- I did my research into this way back in the 70's.

What I don't get - is the need for some adoptees to be so damn nasty. Having experienced over 35 years of being the main target of hate and harassment from an adoptee I gotta say -- that turns people off from any kind of 'understanding.' It was not MY fault she was adopted and I was not adopted out. -- I was only 3 years old when it happened -- I had no say in it - yet Doris Sippel (formerly known as Joan Wheeler) wants to punish me for her 'wounds.' -- and further refuse to accept responsibility for her actions that caused our reunion to blow up.Someone lies to you, steals from you - you have every right to tell that person to go away -- but, some adoptees think you have to put up with that crap. Simply because they were 'adopted' as if it's some kind of badge. "Here, I got this 'adoptee badge' that gives me the right to walk all over you."

Oh hell no baby. You lie to me, steal from me, treat me like crap -- I don't give a shit if you're adopted or not, you will be served your walking papers.

Being an adoptee and having 'wounds' does not give one the right to step on and abuse other people.

Just as no one who has experienced any kind of abuse at the hands of one person has the right to abuse another, totally innocent person.

You got 'wounds?' Get counseling, and DO NOT turn around and inflict wounds on other people.

https://www.icaad.com/videos/relinquishment-and-adoption-understanding-the-impact-of-an-early-psychological-wound?fbclid=IwAR3qQSfihpHG1ZPHmZNIPUutul5IRfgBdhuI5hHinrf1xGpvAIH6BGU2l7U

I wrote two blog posts regarding a couple of comments I received concerning this post. They are:

"About the recent coward comments I received on this blog."

https://ladymoondancersrealm.blogspot.com/2019/08/about-recent-coward-comments-i-received.html

and

"An attack by a COWARD -- trying to tell me that I'm a liar."

https://ladymoondancersrealm.blogspot.com/2019/08/an-attack-by-coward-trying-to-tell-me.html

brain dead anti-adopters who think Joan Wheeler, now known as Doris Sippel is squeeky clean are deluded idiots.

 

Recently Joan/Doris commented on an adoption group’s comment section. One anti-adoption person began singing Joan/Doris’ praises, to which I said to myself “oh brother!” and posted a comment that J/D is not such a squeeky clean person. I said that while I don’t care what she says about adoption, or what she does regarding her campaign in adoption and birth certificate reform,  I do take issue when she lies about my father, my family, and me.

My sister Gert was also commenting in the discussion, when all of a sudden, three anti-adoptees began arguing with us. In reviewing J/D’s comments on the thread and on her facebook page, it was clear she was telling them to go after Gert and me, egging them on, being their ‘puppet master.’ This is a tactic she has done before many times on the internet, when she can’t stand to see me and Gert speak our opinion. Then on a anti-adoption facebook page, one of those anti-adopters who was going after Gert and myself in the discussion, wrote about it, to which J/D commented, and a 4^th anti-adopter chimed in and claimed that Gert and I had been tormenting J/D ‘for years.’

To which I left a laughing fb emoticon. Right -- I’ve been ‘tormenting’ Joan? uh, no, it’s the other way around, J/D has been harassing me -- even to the point of calling my job with lies to get me fired (multiple times in 1994-95, and then starting up again in late 2012). I wrote about it in my former blog, to which J/D answered me via a comment on the internet site Huffington Post -- which I made a screenshot of, and is included in this blog post (see below).

In her comment, Joan/Doris publicly admitted to calling my employer and falsely accusing me (with absolutely no proof) of making phone calls and committing computer fraud.

 

 "you have used your employer's computers to read my blog and you have called from your employer for me to make appointments."

 

I will address the 2nd accusation first. When I took her to court for this harassment -- she testified on the stand that she received a phone call from my job's xray department around 10am -- and said that it was ME on the phone telling her to make an appointment.

WRONG - if the call was made at 10 am -- and from the xray department -- it COULD NOT HAVE BEEN ME. I worked 7pm to 7am -- and no, employees just don't waltz into a department, sit down at a desk and call someone. Hospital security cameras would have shown me doing this. There is no record of me doing this -- because I never did it.

Now for the first accusation -- K.H. has something called GUEST WIFI -- Visitors, patients, employees using their own cell phones and other devices and are legally sanctioned to use the guest WiFi. Patients bring in their laptops, and hook up to the guest WiFi.  I would always bring in my little Acer Netbook to work, to do writing and other things on my lunch break and use the guest WiFi. I didn't use my employee's computers. 

So if K.H.'s IP address showed up at Joan/Doris' blog -- THAT DOESN'T MEAN A DAMN THING. 

I have taken my netbook with me to various businesses, logged onto their guest WiFi and worked on my netbook, and surfed the net with it. I have done this as I waited while a new windshield was installed in my old van; when I was waiting while my van was inspected; while I was at the downtown public library; while I was waiting to have my van's oil changed; when I've stopped to have a cup of coffee; and while I was in the mall's food court waiting while John had his hair cut.

 Okay Joan/Doris -- here's a list of places that I've used guest Wifi at:

Barnes and Noble, Erie County Library (different branches), Delta Sonic, Transittown Dodge, Tim Horton's (different locations), Walden Galleria Mall, WalMart, Wegmans, Bj's, Home Depot, Excelsior Orthopedics, Buffalo Medical Group - and if those places showed up on your blog -- it doesn't mean I committed computer fraud --learn how the world of WiFi works.

Now go and call those businesses and tell them I went into their offices and used their computers to spy on you, and make a further asshole of yourself. Like you did with my former employer. (who did investigate me - because they had to - but found me innocent). You dumb paranoid braindead lying idiot. Grow some brains. And you dumb anti-adopters -- grow some brains, learn how to use 'critical thinking.'

Here is the screenshot of Joan/Doris’ comment on the Huffington Post from January 2013.