I do not accept being the bad guy because I stopped supporting someone who won't accept the consequences of their own bad choices in life.

 

All the years I 'gave a fuck' - I supported the exBFF - when she became a crime victim, I dropped everything, called in sick to my job to spend a couple nights at her apartment. 

I supported her when she got her face slashed by a pissed off wife, despite me knowing that she had been in the wrong by sending a perfumed thank you card to that wife's hubby. I didn't say anything, but as a wife, if some woman sends my hubby a PERFUMED card - uh, no, just NO! You just don't do that.
I did say when I saw her spray the perfume on the card, "Isn't G. married?" And F. says, "Not very happily."

I didn't say anything more, because I had said it before - YEARS before - that F. (the exBFF) needed to stop chasing married/attached men. Doesn't matter if they are 'happy' or not in their marriage/relationship - NO WOMAN HAS THE RIGHT TO STEP IN. 

I'm not condoning what the wife did in this situation - a crime is a crime - but F. brought it on herself. And she had prior experience in the matter - she had bedded a married man, and then subsequently had a fist fight with that wife. AND when the father of her child got out of jail, and moved in with F. and their child, 6 months later - he's cheating on F. F. was NOT happy that M. stepped into her territory - so why would she think that P. would be happy?

I also supported F. when she wanted to go to detox and asked for my help. I hand delivered her to detox, again using MY sick time from my job to do it. She went for counseling, and seemed to be gaining ground, but then backslid into the drugs again.

She came to my house and stole pain pills from me. She had her car in my name so she could get cheaper car insurance, but couldn't be adult enough to take care of the bill. Getting a money order, slapping a stamp on an envelope and mailing it in time. I didn't even have a car at the time - she would never take me grocery shopping. But stopped at my house one time - with a friend waiting in her car  - dropped the money off and ran before I could say - 'hey wait a minute! how about taking me downtown so I could deposit this in my checking account?' Nope. I had to take TWO BUSES to get downtown the next day to do it.

BUT the minute I spoke up - the minute I put up boundaries and insisted she adhere to those boundaries - I became the bad guy.

I sent her a letter of intervention - to get her to see she needed to get off the drugs, to stop getting her heart broken by chasing after men that were off limits. But she got 'offended' - blew up - ran downtown and fell onto her 'crime victim status' and crocodile tears and charged me with harassment because I dared bring up in my letter her face getting slashed. 

Yeah, I was now the bad guy. AFTER I said FUCK IT.

She is out of my life now. She did try to worm her way back into my life by contacting me on instagram saying she misses me, life is short, and blah blah blah. 

I sent the fucking bitch packing. And I have no regrets.

I am creating my own fairytale - troublemakers are not invited, and will be escorted out.

 

I choose peace over drama. Since retiring, I am at peace. I don't have to put up with cow-workers. And when I retired, I took away Joan/Doris' favorite toy - calling my job to get me fired. She started doing that in 1995 and when I retired in 2015, that put an end to it.

The last time she did it was in 2012. And also in 2012, the exBFF who was pissed at me because I sent her a letter of intervention, decided to also call my job.

Idiots. They didn't take something in consideration. That I was an excellent employee. Their lies resulted in only one thing: they made themselves look like assholes to my employer.

Those 2 can rot as far as I'm concerned. I have peace and serenity in my life and I will not put up troublemakers. The only drama I engage in these days is the occasional banter on facebook.

Drama really is not worth the trouble. I indulged in the drama in the past. It's not worth it. It really all is nothing but bullshit.

I am creating my own fairytale. I am busy landscaping my property. I am planting flowers and lilac trees, yew bushes, a back hedge of rosebushes and ivy. I already have a Buddha statue, and fairy-garden village pieces. Just have to clear places for them.

If The Nameless One (my label for Joan/Doris) and the exBFF don't have peace and serenity - it's not my problem. They have consistently chosen chaos over serenity. That is their right. But they don't have any right to bring their chaos into my life.

Nobody does.

Some people's allotment of chances ran out. Life is too short to waste on abusive people.

 

Just saw this on facebook, and had to put it here.

I gave both Joan/Doris and the exBFF chance after chance after chance to treat me right.

When the exBFF contacted me on instagram in March 2022, wanting to be friends with me again, she said "Life is too short."

Yeah. she went there. Tried to guilt ME into taking her abusive self back. This after she went into my bathroom and stole pain pills, left abusive posts on facebook about me and my husband,  called my job with lies to get me fired, took me to court over a letter of intervention that I sent to wake her drugged ass up, acted like an insane person in court (screaming, swearing) AND threatened to 'beat my ass' as she was leaving the courtroom (after being told by the bailiffs to either shut up or leave).

But hey! I'M supposed to be the one who should be reminded that 'life is short'? OH, what a manipulative ploy - make ME feel guilty for not wanting her in my life. Make ME feel guilty because I should 'forgive and forget' what she did to me and take her back.

Fuck that and fuck her.

I have peace and serenity in my life - I don't want or need in my life grown ass adult women who love to stir up drama and get into arguments and fistfights. She's 64 years old, and is still acting like a 10 year old. 

Someone else's stupid life choices are not your burden.

 

The exBFF chose to start taking drugs. She was in her 40’s. She was an adult. She knew the risks. Drugs and alcohol affect a person’s ability to make wise choices. It allows them to act stupid, behave like an idiot, act irresponsibly.

She asked me for help. I tried. I hand delivered her to detox at her request. She went into counseling. There was nothing more I could do - the rest of the work needed to be done by her.

She didn’t follow through. She backtracked into the drugs and the irresponsible behavior. I couldn’t do anything. I had already used MY sick time from my job to take care of her - and then when I was sick, with no sick time left, and went to work sick, where was her help for me?

Where was her help for me EVER?

Her father passed away the end of December 2002. I went to his funeral.
During 2003, my husband and I went thru the loss of SIX family members.
The middle and end of July 2003, my husband lost his grandfather, and a week later, his mother. The exBFF showed up at my mother in law’s funeral and was arguing loudly with my husband’s aunt.

A week later, my cousin died. Two weeks later, my ex-husband and still good friend died. Another two weeks go by and my brother died. Three weeks after that, my husband had open heart surgery, and a month later one of his cousins died.

WHAT HELP DID THE EXBFF GIVE ME?

Every time I turned around she’s leaving messages on my answering machine. “I miss my father.” okay, sure, I understand. BUT DID SHE EVER CALL TO COMFORT ME OR MY HUSBAND? - nope - not once!

Fast forward to January 2011 - now it’s MY father who passes away. I didn’t call her, she read about it in the newspaper. She calls me the day after his funeral and begins arguing with me over a parental decision he made in 1956. “He should never have given her (Joan/Doris) up for adoption.”

Debate me with that if you want -BUT NOT THE DAY AFTER WE BURIED HIM.

I WAS GRIEVING - IT WAS NOT THE TIME FOR IT.

But self-centered narcissists DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SOMEONE’S FEELINGS.

I had enough of her and wanted her out of my life. But she wouldn’t let me go, and kept her crap up until I was forced to send her a letter of intervention - telling her truths she didn’t want to hear.

She took one sentence of my letter, and ran down to the District Attorney’s office, turned on her crocodile tears, used her status of a crime victim to portray the wounded person and charged me with harassment.

When we appeared in court, she showed up dressed like a two bit HO. A once beautiful woman, who dressed pretty, now looked like a HO. (drugs affect decision making). She was swearing loudly and was told to leave - and as she passed me, she threatened to ‘kick my ass’ - I immediately raised my hand and summoned the bailiffs - “She just threatened me.”

She started to run - they grabbed her and tossed her out - and she was screaming like a crazy person. My husband and I were shocked! Later, at home, we cried. My husband said the next day, "I couldn't sleep - I kept seeing her dressed like that -- what the hell happened to her?"  --- DRUGS, that's what happened to her.

Back to the courtroom - the judge, who had not entered the court yet, was sympathetic to addicts. And gave ME the order to stay away from her! I had been trying to get away from her since 2005! And the judge puts the protection of order on me! So unfair, but hey! - it did the trick - it got her away from me.

Did she stay away from me? Well, yes, and no. I was free for 10 years. In March 2022, she contacts me on instagram, says she misses me and wants to friends again.

oh hell no -- I sent that little bitch packing. And I don’t feel one bit guilty for doing it.

I’ve had 10 years of peace without that bitch and Joan/Doris in my life. I won’t be backtracking. I have peace and serenity. I’m retired now, fixing up my house and gardens. I don’t want any bullshit in my life and I will toss any person who tries crap with me to the curb.

Her life is still a mess. Well, that’s HER life. SHE made her choices. I understand she was a victim of a violent crime and I do feel bad about that. But MY life should not be upset. I had done everything I could for her. I couldn’t and can’t take away her pain, if she chose to do drugs to take away the pain, and the drugs caused her to hurt other people - she needs to reconcile herself with that. However, blaming the drugs is still a cop-out. Because she made the conscious decision to take the drugs, knowing full well the dangers. I REFUSE TO BE THE VICTIM OF SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE CHOICES.

I make decisions and choices for MY LIFE.