Someone else's stupid life choices are not your burden.

 

The exBFF chose to start taking drugs. She was in her 40’s. She was an adult. She knew the risks. Drugs and alcohol affect a person’s ability to make wise choices. It allows them to act stupid, behave like an idiot, act irresponsibly.

She asked me for help. I tried. I hand delivered her to detox at her request. She went into counseling. There was nothing more I could do - the rest of the work needed to be done by her.

She didn’t follow through. She backtracked into the drugs and the irresponsible behavior. I couldn’t do anything. I had already used MY sick time from my job to take care of her - and then when I was sick, with no sick time left, and went to work sick, where was her help for me?

Where was her help for me EVER?

Her father passed away the end of December 2002. I went to his funeral.
During 2003, my husband and I went thru the loss of SIX family members.
The middle and end of July 2003, my husband lost his grandfather, and a week later, his mother. The exBFF showed up at my mother in law’s funeral and was arguing loudly with my husband’s aunt.

A week later, my cousin died. Two weeks later, my ex-husband and still good friend died. Another two weeks go by and my brother died. Three weeks after that, my husband had open heart surgery, and a month later one of his cousins died.

WHAT HELP DID THE EXBFF GIVE ME?

Every time I turned around she’s leaving messages on my answering machine. “I miss my father.” okay, sure, I understand. BUT DID SHE EVER CALL TO COMFORT ME OR MY HUSBAND? - nope - not once!

Fast forward to January 2011 - now it’s MY father who passes away. I didn’t call her, she read about it in the newspaper. She calls me the day after his funeral and begins arguing with me over a parental decision he made in 1956. “He should never have given her (Joan/Doris) up for adoption.”

Debate me with that if you want -BUT NOT THE DAY AFTER WE BURIED HIM.

I WAS GRIEVING - IT WAS NOT THE TIME FOR IT.

But self-centered narcissists DON’T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SOMEONE’S FEELINGS.

I had enough of her and wanted her out of my life. But she wouldn’t let me go, and kept her crap up until I was forced to send her a letter of intervention - telling her truths she didn’t want to hear.

She took one sentence of my letter, and ran down to the District Attorney’s office, turned on her crocodile tears, used her status of a crime victim to portray the wounded person and charged me with harassment.

When we appeared in court, she showed up dressed like a two bit HO. A once beautiful woman, who dressed pretty, now looked like a HO. (drugs affect decision making). She was swearing loudly and was told to leave - and as she passed me, she threatened to ‘kick my ass’ - I immediately raised my hand and summoned the bailiffs - “She just threatened me.”

She started to run - they grabbed her and tossed her out - and she was screaming like a crazy person. My husband and I were shocked! Later, at home, we cried. My husband said the next day, "I couldn't sleep - I kept seeing her dressed like that -- what the hell happened to her?"  --- DRUGS, that's what happened to her.

Back to the courtroom - the judge, who had not entered the court yet, was sympathetic to addicts. And gave ME the order to stay away from her! I had been trying to get away from her since 2005! And the judge puts the protection of order on me! So unfair, but hey! - it did the trick - it got her away from me.

Did she stay away from me? Well, yes, and no. I was free for 10 years. In March 2022, she contacts me on instagram, says she misses me and wants to friends again.

oh hell no -- I sent that little bitch packing. And I don’t feel one bit guilty for doing it.

I’ve had 10 years of peace without that bitch and Joan/Doris in my life. I won’t be backtracking. I have peace and serenity. I’m retired now, fixing up my house and gardens. I don’t want any bullshit in my life and I will toss any person who tries crap with me to the curb.

Her life is still a mess. Well, that’s HER life. SHE made her choices. I understand she was a victim of a violent crime and I do feel bad about that. But MY life should not be upset. I had done everything I could for her. I couldn’t and can’t take away her pain, if she chose to do drugs to take away the pain, and the drugs caused her to hurt other people - she needs to reconcile herself with that. However, blaming the drugs is still a cop-out. Because she made the conscious decision to take the drugs, knowing full well the dangers. I REFUSE TO BE THE VICTIM OF SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE CHOICES.

I make decisions and choices for MY LIFE.