On the subject of “amateur psychoanalysis”

 

A facebook acquaintance wrote the following:

"Several decades ago, I learned very quickly that amateur psychoanalysis was one of the single-stupidest ways to interact with anyone.

Nobody likes it. I don't. I don't know anybody who does. It's a violation of personal space. And it's about as useful as a burlap condom. It doesn't work. It doesn't produce any useful result -- only annoyance, anger, and confusion.

First of all, most people are simply NOT QUALIFIED to engage in that kind of psychobabble bullshit. You learn a few terms, it still doesn't make you a master in the field."

I was reminded of an unsettling experience I had with the exBFF back in 2005. 

'amateur psychoanalysis' - I think we've all done it to some degree to try to explain other people's behavior. I think a lot of us have done that the past few years - trying to understand why the Mango Manbaby is the way he is (narcissism), and to try to understand society's woes (racism, violence, etc). 

But when it comes to being an 'armchair psychoanalyst' to others and then vocalizing your 'results' to their face - that's a definite no-no. It's even worse when you do it to someone you know, and worse still, when you do it to a friend. 

Back in 2005 I was finally able to get the exBFF into detox (at her request, then her balking against it). She began going to counseling. I told her she was doing the right thing. She requested some 'space' so she could digest what she was learning. I understood and gave her that space. 

She called me up a few weeks later to tell me of her progress. She starts telling me what she learned about addiction - then proceeded to tell me that I too was suffering from addiction. Actually, she said that everyone suffers from some sort of addiction - smoking, overeating, etc. Then she told me my love of sweets was my addiction.

I immediately starting feeling uneasy. The next few minutes, she proceeded to psychoanalyze me, and my love of Reese Cups. My uneasiness grew to anger. I felt insulted.

I'm a grown woman. At that time (2005), I was still gainfully employed. (I was employed continuously from 1971 to 2015 - when I retired with a damn good pension). In 2005, I was making mortgage payments (mortgage paid off entirely in 2022) and the upkeep of the house (with my husband). I had gained weight, yes - but it was due to the onset of menopause, not because I stuffed myself with Reese Cups everyday. 

There were times in my adult life, I recognized the need for myself to seek counseling, which I did. I have also read many 'self-help' books, and even a couple of psychology books. I had an unsettled childhood, I know some of that has manifested into what 'makes me tick' as an adult. 

What I didn't need back in 2005, nor do I need now - is someone who is going to counseling, taking what they learn in the afternoons, going home in the evenings, and instead of applying it to themselves, apply it to other people - or ME.

If I want to know why I like to eat a Reese Cup, I am quite capable of doing it on my own. 

ps. My 'addiction' to Reese Cups (or KlonDike bars) has never spurred me onto to stealing from my friends, or engaging in anti-social behavior.
And any psycho-analyzing I've done on Joan/Doris is justified because of the way she slandered me in her book, her blog, and various places on the internet. If she didn't want me to 'armchair psychoanalyze' her, she should have left me alone.