When a toxic person TRIES to re-enter your life - you MUST refuse to let them back in. A snake is a snake is a snake.

 

This is very important. When you have succeeded in getting a toxic person OUT of your life - DO NOT LET THEM BACK INTO YOUR LIFE. 

When my exBFF turned to drugs, I did try to help her out. In 2005, I hand delivered her to detox, (at her request). She went into counseling. But instead of applying what she learned in counseling to herself - she applied it to ME. She would call me up and tell why I was addicted to chocolate. (uh, no. I have a sweet tooth, and I do not steal from friends to buy Reese cups). 

She came to my house and stole pain pills from me. I got tired of her disrespecting and suffocating me (see other posts in this blog) - so I distanced myself from her. When I didn't return her phone calls, she began leaving long incoherent messages to me on facebook and once inserted herself in a facebook conversation I was having with 4 cousins - she said that our conversation was all bullshit and we should shut the fuck up. I booted her off my facebook, but did not block her. (a mistake). 

Five years later, in September 2010, I ran into her at the grocery store and then I went to her house and we had a good talk. I had missed her and wanted our years long friendship to continue. 

BIG MISTAKE. 

A mere 2 months later - I was having a 3-way email exchange with my 2 older sisters and a question came up about social services (welfare) benefits vs disability benefits. (note, one of my sisters live in another country, so their system is different from USA). Well, I thought since the exBFF had been on social services, she could tell us. I added her to the conversation, and also, my niece. 

WELL - the exBFF got OFFENDED and emailed me back that I had no right to invade her privacy by putting her financial status out in public. And then she demanded to know why I kicked her off my facebook. 

I emailed her back - and explained that it was a PRIVATE email exchange (not facebook messaging) between family members, and I considered her family - and we were only seeking information. She fired back that she is NOT A WELFARE QUEEN. (I never said that she was, I was only seeking information). I also explained why I removed her from my facebook. 

I said that I thought we could re-kindle our friendship, but I saw that it was not going to work. I told her I did not want to associate with her anymore. 

Another mistake I made - was after this - I failed to block her on facebook. She didn't contact me on facebook for a year and a half - and I honestly didn't think of her. 

Until one Saturday night (around midnight) in January 2012, she calls me on the phone and left a message on my answering machine DEMANDING TO KNOW WHY I TOOK HER OFF MY FACEBOOK. (memory problems due to drug use).

She called my house a few more times, and one time I picked up the phone and told her to stop calling me, and I was going to report her to the phone company. (which I did the following morning and changed my phone number). 

She was also busy that weekend - she called my employer and finagled my manager's name out of someone. And called my manager that Monday morning and said I was printing out her medical records - a violation of hospital rules and federal patient privacy laws. My employer investigated me. And their computer security team determined that I did not violate any rules. (correct). 

The exBFF also contacted my niece on facebook AND ADMITTED that she called my job. I took a screen shot of it. 

I sent her a letter of intervention which included that screenshot - and I told her things she didn't want to hear. I tried to get her to wake up and stop the drugs and stop making poor decisions in her life. 

She got OFFENDED again and pressed harassment charges on me. 

2 days before our court date - she left a horribly disgusting comment about my husband on my facebook. (then I finally corrected my mistake and blocked her). 

We got to court - and my husband and I were shocked to see her appearance - she was dressed like a two-bit ho. She was arguing with her defense team in a loud voice, was told to shut up by the bailiffs, she did not, so they told her to leave. As she left, she passed me sitting on the end of the row of seats, and in a low voice, she threatened to beat my ass. I immediately summoned the bailiffs. "Excuse me - she just threatened me." She started to run - they caught her and removed her from the court room - and placed her in a private room down the hall - where she continued to scream at the top of her lungs and everyone heard her. Our lawyer got off the elevator and heard her screaming from behind a closed door! I mean - she was fucking losing her damn mind! 

As a hospital nurse's aide, I've had dealings with psych patients - and she was fucking screaming like one. SCREAMING. My husband and I were shocked. I wanted to cry. Because this was a once beautiful woman, our friend for almost 30 years and she was flipping out, a drug addict, dressed like a ho. It was terrible to witness, despite me being angry over her contacting my job, trying to get me fired, and then hauling me into court because I told her truths about herself - which is what a good friend does.

Anyway, despite her disrupting the court like that (and she should have been handcuffed and jailed)  - the judge (who was shown on the local news a few months later being sympathetic to drug addicts - but not their victims) - put a restraining order on ME for one year. Telling me to stay away from her. 

oh no problem judge - I've been trying to get the hell away from her for years. 

The restraining order expired in 2013 - and I have never even wanted to go near that crazy person. It was unfair for ME to have gotten the restraining order - but it worked - it did what I wanted - HER OUT OF MY LIFE. 

In March 2022, guess who contacted me on instagram - yep - the exBFF, claiming she missed me. oh boo hoo. She gave me her phone number - which I called and told her in no uncertain terms that I wanted NOTHING to do with her. 

BECAUSE I LEARNED MY LESSON -- that when a toxic person TRIES to re-enter your life - you MUST refuse to let them back in. A snake is a snake is a snake.