I deserve good company -- narcissists, users and abusers, troublemakers, people who thrive on chaos and drama - are not welcome in my life.

 Found this on facebook. 

"I deserve good company. If someone is consistently irksome, annoying, or a general bore, I am not required to keep their company, online or off. Kindness does not require the sacrifice of the few, precious opportunities for good fellowship to spare the feelings of jackanapes who are making no effort to spare mine." 

This is excellent. I need to just add -- "a narcissist who previously used and abused me." after 'general bore.' 

I am still baffled at the sheer arrogance of my exBFF who 10 years ago did some rotten things to me. We've had no contact for 10 years, then about a week ago, she contacts me on Instagram - she 'misses' me and wants to rekindle our past friendship. (see the next three posts for details).

Not a chance. I have serenity in my life now - I don't need a person who thrives on chaos and drama in my life.

 When she contacted me on Instagram recently, trying to worm her way into my life again, she wrote - "Ruth and Francine FOREVER. To which I say: Ruth and Francine NEVER!

for more on this topic, see the following posts (click on the title).

I used to 'accept' things that I couldn't change. Or rather I used to think I COULDN'T change things. March 16, 2022

I have peace - why would I want a disruptive person in my life again? March 15, 2022

To My exBFF - March 14, 2022

I used to 'accept' things that I couldn't change. Or rather I used to think I COULDN'T change things.

Both my abusive sister Joan and my exBFF (FJM) are narcissists - everything is all about them. Challenge them at your peril! When I got tired of being their doormat - when I stood up for myself to them (at different times), they each couldn't accept it. They flew off the handle - they refused to respect my boundaries.

My sister wouldn't ever explain what made her angry - she just reacted badly. The exBFF reacted badly and explain "I get offended very easily." (but it was always ok for her to offend other people).

Narcissists and bullies are very fond of using the DARVO syndrome: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim-Offender. They pull shit, their victim stands up for themselves, the narcissist gets 'offended' then lashes out, screaming it was they who were offended, victimized, thrown to the curb. They don't see (or refuse to see) that their behavior, their lack of respect, is what caused the problem in the first place. 

In the case of the exBFF, it goes much deeper - she experienced some very harsh blows in life. And I get that. I truly do. It wasn't fair that those things happened to her. But in her anger at the world, she decided to turn around and hurt others. THAT is not fair to other people who had nothing to do with happened to her, and especially to the people that were trying to help her. Just because someone is hurt in life, does not give them the right to turn around and hurt others - innocent others. 

She also made a lot of bad decisions in life. Constantly running after married/unavailable men, and actually getting into fistfights with the man's wife/significant other. 

I cannot be around such people and substance abusers - I cannot follow their thought patterns. During the year 2010, I would get long rambling non-sensical messages on private Facebook messages. I couldn't make heads or tails of them. There was one about she wanted to add me to her phone plan and screen all my calls for me! Something about people needed to reach me 24/7 and she would screen the calls. I didn't understand what it was all about. I'm an adult, I have a job, I own my home, I have a husband, I have a telephone and an answering machine, I've had a phone in my name since 1974 - why would I need someone who didn't live in my house to screen all my calls? When I messaged her back asking for an explanation, (and telling her what I just said here), she responded: "you're taking this too personally." (yes, just go ahead and dismiss me, as narcissists do when questioned).

And once during a public conversation I was having with 4 of my cousins on facebook, the exBFF left a comment telling us all to "shut up - this is all bullshit." (how I wish I made a screenshot of that one). 

I immediately unfriended her on facebook. We had a regular email exchange in November 2010 about it. I explained why I unfriended her. Several months later, late one night, she phoned my house and got my answering machine and angrily asked "Why'd you take me off your facebook?" 

Number 1, I'm an adult - I will remove anybody from my facebook as I see fit.

Number 2, we had already gone over that in our email exchange some months earlier. 

I could not, cannot, and will not deal with that kind of stuff. I can't change any other person's behavior. What I can change is how I react to that behavior. If that behavior is abusive to me - I WILL NOT ACCEPT IT. If I am having a conversation with my own kin, NO ONE has the right to butt in and tell me (and them) to shut up and what we are talking about is bullshit. 

I stopped accepting being someone's doormat years ago. I will not allow anyone to wipe their boots on me. 10 years ago, I threw the doormat out in the trash. I will not accept it back into my life.

You know, going back to what she told me on Instagram the other day: "I am sorry for not understanding you, when you thought I should have." -- which is another nonsensical sentence on the surface. But in really examining it - she never really did understand me. I don't know if she thought I was a child, or what. I know at one point, she made a comment to me - that I was 'black-oriented' like her. Uh, no. I am a white woman, married to a black man. I am oriented to ME. I did not change my personality when I was married to a Yemeni man, and I did not change my personality when I married a black man. I like some black actors, singers, musicians, just like my husband likes some white artists. 

Anyways, enough of this long-winded blog post - I'm tired of it. I'm tired of my sister. I'm tired of the exBFF. They are both in the past. I do not look behind me - I look forward to the good in life that I am finding everyday. I refuse to be dragged down into other people's drama.

 When she contacted me on Instagram recently, trying to worm her way into my life again, she wrote - "Ruth and Francine FOREVER. To which I say: Ruth and Francine NEVER!

for more on this topic, see the following posts - click on the titles.

I deserve good company -- narcissists, users and abusers, troublemakers, people who thrive on chaos and drama - are not welcome in my life. March 21, 2022

I have peace - why would I want a disruptive person in my life again? March 15, 2022

To My exBFF - March 14, 2022 

I have peace - why would I want a disruptive person in my life again?

  

I have these things. I have Peace in my soul. I have Peace (and quiet) in my life. I will NOT let an abusive narcissist from my past re-enter my life and destroy my serenity. She who thrives on chaos, I crave quiet and have it. I want no part of her. She is banished. She is 'old news.' She is left by the wayside. If she thinks that I have thought she didn't understand me, what she needs to 'understand' right now - is that I do not want her in my life ever! If she has trouble 'understanding' that - that is her problem, not mine. 

The title of this blog post, "I have peace - why would I want a disruptive person in my life again?" is just what it says. The exBFF (FJM) loves to start fights, loves the drama of fighting, arguing. I do not. I am retired now, will be 70 in a few months - my life is serene, quiet, my husband and I are in our golden retired years, we enjoy our life. We enjoy gardening, I enjoy my crafting, writing, reading, listening to music, working on my family tree with my cousin, trying to find the time to study my Latin.  

I thought when I retired, I'd have time to study my Latin - but there isn't enough hours in the day for me to do the things I want to. I simply do not have the time for disruptive, disrespectful people. Especially those who have been tossed out of my life before. There's a reason they were tossed out - I believe in recycling - Mother Earth Gaia must be protected and all resources should be recycled - but bad human relationships? Nope, not a chance.

Remember the old adage - "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
I was fooled into letting this abusive person into my life again in September 2010, only to regret it two months later. This time around, I will not allow it. If anyone has a problem with the way I run MY life, that's THEIR problem - not mine.

 When she contacted me on Instagram recently, trying to worm her way into my life again, she wrote - "Ruth and Francine FOREVER. To which I say: Ruth and Francine NEVER!

for more on this topic, see the following posts - click on the titles.

I deserve good company -- narcissists, users and abusers, troublemakers, people who thrive on chaos and drama - are not welcome in my life. March 21, 2022

I used to 'accept' things that I couldn't change. Or rather I used to think I COULDN'T change things. March 16, 2022

To My exBFF - March 14, 2022

To My exBFF

 To my exBFF

This is what I received via Instagram messages on Friday, March 11, 2022  plus a notification that this person - initials FJM was 'following me' on Instagram.
This is my exBFF who 10 years took me to court for harassment after I sent her a letter of intervention - to get her to stop harassing ME. (leaving insulting messages to me on facebook, calling my job telling them I was accessing her medical records (they investigated and found me innocent). She is an actress, cried tears, she was the victim, oh boo-hoo. At one point in court - before the judge entered, she was arguing with the assistant DA assigned to her - and started swearing at him - the bailiff told her to shut up - she didn't - she got tossed out - while she passed me sitting there, she threatened me "I'll beat your ass." I immediately waved my hand at the bailiff "excuse me, she just threatened me." The bailiffs came over - she started screaming as they tossed her out. They put her in a separate room - but everyone could her screaming like a banshee.
She was out of control - to the point she was told NOT to return to court. However, the judge, being sympathetic to 'those under the influence' turned around and gave me a one year restraining order - I was to stay away from her for one year. No problem! I'd been trying to get away from her for 2 years!
So imagine my surprise when I see this on my Instagram the other day.
I answered her and told her I want nothing to do with her. She then blocked me. Fine.
I thought about it and realized, I never got a chance to say what I really wanted to say, and that's the purpose of this blog post. Because she blocked me before I got the screenshot - it comes up as "Instagram User" - that's ok. In this graphic here, I blanked out her phone number - but I have the original with the phone number intact.
I'm not falling for her boo-hooing. And I'm NOT letting her back into my life.
So now, dear exBFF - here is my response. Please read it and would you understand (this blog post) that I never wanted your 'understanding' of me (what's to understand? I'm not that complicated a person) I never said that - what I wanted was your RESPECT - which you never gave. As outlined below:

at the bottom of her message - cut off here - she wrote   "Ruth and Francine FOREVER. To which I say: Ruth and Francine NEVER!

Dear FJM
You say you ‘didn’t understand me’ as well as I thought you should. Okay, I will enlighten you.

Do you remember when I first got the red van that belonged to John’s mother? And you didn’t have a car? I let you take the van - gave you the keys - to go grocery shopping or whatever you wanted. No questions asked.

Fast forward to when that van got smacked and sat in my driveway and you got a car and it was in my name for you to have cheaper car insurance. You had a vehicle, I did not. You never took me shopping nor handed the keys to me so I could do my errands.

I gave you the payment page from the insurance company that listed the amounts due and the payment dates. A couple of months later, I asked if you had sent the payment in - you claimed you ‘lost’ the paper. (but you didn’t tell me). (o, how ‘adult’). So I said ‘just give me the money. If I’m sleeping when you drop it off, put it in an envelope and put it in the mailbox.”

One day, you came over - with a friend sitting in your car - a white lady - I don’t know who she was - you didn’t bother to introduce us. You handed me the money and took off.

So, I’ve got the cash - I’ve got to get the cash into the checking account. The next day, I took TWO BUSES downtown to my credit union behind City Hall to put the cash into my checking account. Then I wrote out a check (checks had to bought - packets of 400 cost about $10.00). --- not being petty, but I worked hard for everything I own.   I put the check in an envelope put on a stamp (stamps aren’t free). And mailed it off in time so that MY credit wouldn’t be affected. Here I am, with no car - taking TWO BUSES to take care of an insurance payment on a car that I don’t own and YOU say you don’t ‘understand?’

And then a few months later, you call me up and you were DRUNK and bitching about your boyfriend and you let slip that his car was in your son’s name. I waited a couple of days and called you up - and you were sober - and I told you what you said. And I told you that you had 30 days to get your car out of my name. You have your boyfriend’s car in your son’s name - you could put YOUR car in your son’s name as well.

So here’s to understanding: You USED me - I let you put your car in my name, but you couldn’t be adult enough to take care of the payments. You couldn't go get a money order, slap a stamp on the envelope and take care of it. And yet you would brag on the phone about this or that you bought and then end the conversation “I’m not like Joni.” Why put that in there? Because you knew you were EXACTLY like Joni. - You are both users and abusers. And you couldn't even bother to take me, your 'friend' shopping - not once! As for all your other 'friends' -- WHO was there after the incident in 1996 - ME and Melissa. Your other so-called friends dropped you. WHO hand-delivered you to de-tox (at your request)? Me. You never once thanked me. Never. I was the one who tried to get you out of the bottle, off the drugs, get you healthy - and what did I get in return? A kick in the teeth.

And that was real nice of you - trashing my father to me on the phone the day after his funeral. Saying he was wrong for doing something in 1956 - three years before you were even born. Are you of the Sippel family? How dare you criticize a parental decision he made. I was telling you of how Joan got a friend of hers to desecrate my father's funeral guest book, and all you had to say was he wrong to give her up for adoption???? 

I never disrespected you or your family when your father died. And speaking of which - the whole year of 2003, when John lost his grandfather, then his mother, then I lost my ex-husband/friend, then my cousin, then my brother -- John and I were grieving - and every other day, YOU are leaving messages on our answering machine "I miss my father." yeah, I get that - but did you EVER stop and think of the pain John and I were going through? FIVE deaths in two months time? Not once did you call and say "how are you guys doing?" Nope, true to narcissistic form - every phone call was about YOU. Never about me and John. 

And when John had his heart surgery - I told you that afternoon when I was leaving the hospital that I would be sleeping on the couch, after watching Star Trek Enterprise at 9pm - and that I didn't want to be disturbed. At 9:30pm, here you are calling, blubbering (drunk) - "I didn't know how much John meant to me until this afternoon" - uh, why were you calling AFTER I said 'don't call?'  I needed to have the phone line open in case the hospital called me about MY husband. He stopped being your concern when you broke up with him in 1983, 20 years prior. I couldn't have one damn night - worrying about my husband, without your drunken interference.

And when unknowingly, you and Joan played ‘tag team’ and both attacked me in 2012 - both of you calling my job to get me fired - I had the same lawyer and the same manager at work - and they both told me the same exact thing: “Ruth, you got to learn to stay away from crazy people.” And I told them - “I’m trying - I’ve been trying for years to get both of them out of my life.”

You didn't like it when T. called your job - what makes you think I would have been jumping in joy when you did it to me. Hence the letter I wrote you. Truths you didn't want to face and went to the extreme and put the final coffin nail in our friendship.

I got you out of my life once - in 2005 - but I made a mistake and let you back in in 2010. I won’t repeat that mistake - you are out of my life and you will NEVER be in it again.

Stop with your ridiculous little-girl bs in your message “Ruth and F  ...FOREVER” with the cutesy little hearts and flowers emoticons. We are not in 6^th grade. Grow up.

Also your whole message (again) was all about ... YOU (everything is always all about you)   “How I miss you” “My brother has died.” ”I hope to see you before I leave this life.”  And you also put that guilt trip in there: “Life is too short.” (you should have thought about that one 10 years ago when you were busy trying to destroy me, but ended up destroying our friendship).

Your half-ass apology “I'm sorry for not understanding you, when you thought I should have” was more bs - and putting it all back on me - that I, Ruth, was in the wrong for thinking you should have understood me.

I didn’t need ‘understanding’ as much as I need RESPECT - and that is something you NEVER gave me. You walked all over me - treated me like a doormat and when I spoke up you dismissed me - you left a horribly insulting message on facebook about my husband - and now, for some reason, you’re feeling sorry for yourself - and you ‘miss’ me and John.

Yes, me and John, and John's brother - the three people in this world who always had your back. And yes, you USED E. as well. He told me you were pestering him for his pain pills. (did you steal from him like you stole from me?) Yes, I'm aware you stole 3 hydrocodones from me. I used to keep the bottle in the kitchen and I got tired of you coming over and asking me for them. You would say "do you know what kind of a buzz you get when you take these with beer?" uh, no, I don't - because I take those things responsibly - I told you several times I kept them for medical emergencies - in case John and I broke a tooth or sprained an ankle and had to wait to see a doctor. Finally one day, when you were on the way over - I moved the bottle into the bathroom - and when you left - I went in and counted them - and 3 were gone. STEALING from a friend? I NEVER stole a thing from you - but this is how you 'understood' me? My understanding is gross disrespect from you. 

Where’s the damn apology for calling my job? Never mind, I don’t need it nor want it. Your lies didn’t work. Just like it didn’t work when Joan pulled that crap. And now that I’m retired - I’ve taken away your plaything.

And now - take heed of this: LEAVE ME ALONE. I do not want now or in the future - you in my life.

AND if John or I should go before you do - instructions have been told to various members of my family - that if you or her show up at the funeral home -- both of you will be escorted OUT.

You called me up the evening of his heart surgery, boo-hooing - “I didn’t know how much John meant to me until this afternoon.” Yet 9 years later, you’re writing shit on facebook, calling him a ‘broke-ass man’ who lives in the deep ghetto.

And don't bother trying to press charges on me - cos you're going to look awful silly - you managed to get a restraining order against someone, then turn around and contact them on Instagram. I have a printout and screen shot of your contact of me on Instagram - and those will be shown to the proper authorities if needs be.

Besides, this post is not to harass you - but to answer YOUR summons - and to explain fully - once and for all -  why we will NEVER be friends again. I do not trust you. 

Please - LEAVE ME ALONE. If you are having guilt feelings, or 'missing me' - that is for you to resolve. I can not help you. I do not WANT to help you. LEAVE ME ALONE.

Ruth and Francine NEVER again. YOU destroyed a near 30 year friendship with your booze, your drugs, your selfishness. fuck off.

for more on this topic, see the following posts - click on the titles.

I deserve good company -- narcissists, users and abusers, troublemakers, people who thrive on chaos and drama - are not welcome in my life. March 21, 2022

I used to 'accept' things that I couldn't change. Or rather I used to think I COULDN'T change things. March 16, 2022

I have peace - why would I want a disruptive person in my life again? March 15, 2022 

Taking a few days off from this blog (Dec 7, 2009)

                           

                             an archive post from my old blog

Captain's Log stardate 1207.09 

Captain Ruth Pace, commander of the USS Ari signing on 

I have to switch gears. Time I got moving on The Ari Chronicles, the newsletter for my Star Trek group the USS Ari.   

Didn't get the DVD of the new Trek movie, (which is phenomenal). I'll wait 'til it comes out with the bonus disc. Just picked up the special package of DaVinci Code/Angels and Demons. And just ordered second season of The Paper Chase. Got my Kevin Sorbo fix last month, completed my Hercules collection. And as usual, John volunteered to kick Kevin's ass with one hand behind his back. Any time he sees a male celebrity I like he wants to kick his ass! lol. Funny how he doesn't want to kick Xena's ass! 

But now that I got the complete Xena and Hercules, I can get my Trek library going again. Prices for Next Gen are down. And I see Voyager's prices aren't too bad either. I did manage to get all of Enterprise NX-01 at half price. Deep Space Nine will have to wait. And of course, this old Trekker has all of TOS and TAS. 

Live long and prosper my friends. Be back in a week. - but I'll probably be checking in. Just gotta get the newsletter out. And get ready for the next meeting. 

Captain Ruth Pace, commander of the USS Ari signing off  

transmission concluded.

 

I will be posting archived posts from my old blog

 

I’m going to be posting my archived posts from my old blog “Refuting the Lies of Forbidden Family by Joan Mary Wheeler”

The media file has been lost, so many of the memes and other things I posted have been lost. However, I do still have from my personal collection, photographs and scanned documents in a file on an external hard drive.

The very first blog posts I did were deleted and never saved. This is because I was actually trying to learn how to publish the blog. How to add graphics and pictures, and how to place them. The first one that I left alone was of a Yule tree.

All archived/republished posts will have their original posting date on them.

About the recent coward comments I received on this blog.

No comments will be accepted that do not have names attached to them. If you can't put your name to what you say -- why should I post them, let alone read them? Comments show up in my email. If I see at the beginning of the email "Comment by 'unknown' -- I simply check off the box 'delete' and it's done. The body of the comment isn't even read. Don't like that? Too bad. I am under NO obligation to read or publish anything. 

I did read the first cowardly comment that I received yesterday, and answered it in this post:

An attack by a COWARD -- trying to tell me that I'm a liar.

https://ladymoondancersrealm.blogspot.com/2019/08/an-attack-by-coward-trying-to-tell-me.html

After I composed and posted that, I went back to my email, deleted that abusive comment, and deleted a second comment that they wrote -- and it was deleted UNREAD. And a third one, signed "Typical" was deleted, UNREAD. Again, I am under NO obligation to read or publish crap sent to me.

If you believe your words, if you are passionate about what you have to say, your position on something, there is no need to hide. If you lack the courage to speak plainly and intelligently don't even waste my time. Because you've already made up your mind and I've heard it all before. From angry adoptees who want to shove their opinions down mine and everyone else's throats. With no thought of all of any kind of debate. With TYPICAL 'angry adoptees' it's 'their way or no way.' -- And I'm not even talking about the whys or causes or abuses of the institution of adoption. I am well aware of legitimate concerns of adoptees, their separation from their birth family, loss of identity, falsified birth certificates, etc. This blog has nothing to do with any of that. And don't even bother to lecture me to 'get educated.' I did all that - I researched it, I got educated way back in the 70's.

Any person coming here to lecture me about my relationship with Joan/Doris and to leave abusive comments are only proving my point in post "https://ladymoondancersrealm.blogspot.com/2019/08/suffering-from-post-adoption-wounds.html" wherein I say: "Someone lies to you, steals from you - you have every right to tell that person to go away -- but, some adoptees think you have to put up with that crap. Simply because they were 'adopted' as if it's some kind of badge. "Here, I got this 'adoptee badge' that gives me the right to walk all over you." Oh hell no baby. You lie to me, steal from me, treat me like crap -- I don't give a shit if you're adopted or not, you will be served your walking papers. Being an adoptee and having 'wounds' does not give one the right to step on and abuse other people."

I always got a laugh at the hypocrisy of these TYPICAL 'angry adoptees' when I would read their blogs, comments, on the internet about them standing up for themselves and not allowing anyone to abuse them. But they reserve the right to abuse others, and seem to feel that others MUST take that abuse simply because the abuser IS an adoptee.

If I were to make a blogpost about a person who is not related to me, let's call her 'Susie Smith.' Susie is an acquaintance, and comes to my house with a friend of mine. Susie goes to my bathroom and steals some of my makeup. Then a few days later she is telling people crap about me. I have every right to call Susie out on her abusive behavior -- and people would applaud me for it. "Way to go Ruth, don't take crap from her. Don't allow anyone to walk over you."

Now let's change the scenario. Susie is actually my birth sister, who was adopted out of our family, but we were reunited and she was welcomed by me with open arms and heart. And Susie goes into my bathroom and steals some makeup and then goes around talking shit about me. According to these TYPICAL 'angry adoptees' things have changed. I'm now supposed to shut my mouth and accept this person walking all over me. Not a chance baby. -- and if you are coming to this blog with that kind of crap in your head -- you've proven my point that I put forth in my blog post. And no amount of arguing with me is going to make me accept someone treating me like a doormat. I will NOT allow Joan/Doris to treat me like a doormat, simply because she was adopted, and I will NOT allow people coming to this blog and writing idiotic comments to treat me like a doormat. Don't like that? Too bad. Go Away if you don't like what's written here.